Respectful Parenting, Creating A Yes Space, Co-Sleeping & More

April 15, 2023

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Since their son's birth, Joseph Anew and Emilia Run made an effort to change his diapers sloooowly, paying close attention to him and communicating throughout the process.

However, they went through a difficult phase during which their son would resist diaper changes. If you're a parent, you may identify.

Remembering the advice to “Slow down, you can never go too slowly” from early childhood educator Magda Gerber, they slowed down even more, giving their son more attention and tickling him. Within a week, their son was happy to have his diaper changed and even began changing his own diaper. Diaper changing may seem trivial, but this is just one example of the many, many unexpected tips that I learned from the parents I interviewed for my new book Boundless Parenting. As contributors to the book, Joseph and Emilia shared advice on discipline, boundaries, self-sufficiency, and much more.

Joseph Anew is an international speaker, fitness expert, entrepreneur, and lifestyle coach. During his eight years as Head of Sport and Training at Spartan Race, Joseph worked full-time with professional endurance athletes and taught seminars worldwide. From there, Joseph went on to found RUNGA, an experiential lifestyle brand empowering individuals through highly effective and sustainable practices that fuel health, wellness, and performance.

As a coach of 18 years, his teachings focus on ingraining profound mindset shifts, giving guests the courage and the tools to align their actions with their objectives throughout daily life. After a traumatic brain injury, Joseph dedicated his life to finding health again, stopping at nothing to regain his full potential. Today, this experience shapes him as a coach and educator and fuels his purpose for creating transformational experiences through RUNGA. Joseph believes that vibrant health is possible for everyone, and he embodies that truth in his own story of overcoming significant adversity. He shares his teachings and interviews inspiring guests on his podcast Intuitive Warrior.

I've also previously interviewed Joseph in the podcasts:

Emilía Rún is a plant-based chef, Kundalini yoga teacher, and mindfulness meditation teacher. After law school, Emilía moved to Los Angeles to pursue her dreams of working in food, the seeds for which were planted while working at a health food restaurant during her teenage years. Emilía quickly found herself making cakes for various raw food establishments, teaching cooking classes, and consulting with coffee shops and restaurants. In 2018, Emilía started her own private chef and cake business, quickly becoming known for her beautiful organic spreads and delicious raw desserts.

With nutrition as her primary focus, Emilía also credits yoga and meditation as pivotal to her healing from a lifelong painful autoimmune disease. Since stumbling into a class at 18 years old, the teachings of Kundalini yoga, and later mindfulness, have allowed her to cultivate an unbroken connection to the heart, which serves as a compass in her daily life. Eventually becoming a teacher in both herself, Emilía has trained under Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield, Tej Kaur Khalsa, Krishna Kaur, and Siri Bahadur Khalsa.

During our discussion, you'll discover:

-Who are Joseph and Emilia?…06:00

Joseph and Ben go way back to Ben's Spartan Racing days and even before that at an Ancestral Health Symposium
Joseph was a coach for Spartan Racing
Went on to found RUNGA, an intimate health and wellness style private event in Austin, Texas
Emilia
- Plant-based chef
- Kundalini yoga instructor
- Mindfulness meditation teacher
- Private chef and a cake business owner
- Part of the Runga event
Featured in Ben's Boundless Parenting book
Joseph has been a guest on Ben's podcast:

-What is a highly respectful parenting style?…10:25

Leon Thor, Joseph's and Emilia’s son will be 3 in May and has already done ice baths
Highly respectful parenting style
Exposing him to things and letting him choose
- never forced or pressured
Goal is to develop a healthy relationship with the activity
- avoid resentment
Ben’s experience with his sons regarding activities
- Leads by example
- Avoids resentment
- Emphasize benefits

-Age appropriateness and discipline…17:43

Very young kids need mostly soft activities
As they grow up and their perspective expands, add some structure
Joseph tries to ingrain habitual routines
- Drink a glass of water
- Go outside
Discipline does not stray away from respectful parenting
- Age-appropriate discipline
- Boundaries and expectations
Consistency is essential
Creating good habits at a young age
Offering several options and giving them some amount of ownership over the task

-What RIE stands for…24:25

Resources for Infant Educators (RIE)
Founded by Magda Gerber
Dr. Emmi Pickler
- Unique approach to parenting
Magda brought the philosophy to California
A guide for the first 2 years
- Setting a foundation for a relationship
Being most respectful from day one
- Touching gently and lovingly
- Asking for permission
- Giving full and undivided attention
How to balance kid’s and parent’s needs
Dear Parent: Caring for Infants with Respect by Magda Gerber
Your Self-Confident Baby: How to Encourage Your Child's Natural Abilities by Magda Gerber
Children seek safety and nurture
- picking up children
- asking for permission is respecting boundaries and providing safety

-The practice of slowing down and slowness in RIE…33:13

Babies and toddlers get easily overwhelmed, overstimulated
If we're moving too fast and our child is being overstimulated, then we're not enjoying the time together
Any sort of struggle is always an invitation to slow down
Quality time is one of the cornerstones of RIE
Categories of quality time
1. Something quality time – paying full attention but you also have expectations
2. Nothing quality time – moments that you actually are spending with your child anyway; slowness and enjoying time with a child
Slowness is a key ingredient because when we're moving slow enough for them, we actually get to enjoy the time

-What is a “Yes Space”?…42:00

A safe space where nothing can hurt them, nothing that can go wrong, nothing they can't play with, nothing they can't climb
Leaving the kid alone in his safe space
- Learning to play by himself
Meditative Mind
The child plays twice as long independently with Meditative Mind
- Music adds a sense of safety and calm to the space
Easy to step away for a few minutes to prepare dinner knowing that he's safe

-The importance of the eye movements…46:20

Average toddler hears “no” 400 times a day
Joseph is a big eye-movement believer
Breath Better, Move Better e-book
Eye movement exercise
Lois Laynee
Lois Laynee on Joseph's podcast
Swedish swirl exercises
Leon had a gait disturbance when he started to walk
- Lois had the Swedish swirl exercises with Leon
- Eyes and mouth
- Leon's gait straightened out after 2-3 months
Cranial nerves can be dysfunctional due to trauma at birth
Activating the parasympathetic system
- Popsicle stick between the teeth
- Humming
- Nasal breathing
Separating teeth when sleeping or exercising
Tickling the mouth when a child sleeps with mouth opened
The Swedish Swirl

-Redirecting a child’s attention…56:46

Lois Laynee – Redirecting is allowing natural urges as much as possible
Redirecting instead of saying “no”
- You can't do it this way but you can do it this way
- Especially effective up to 18 months
Saying no stifles the natural urge to be curious and explore
Be consistent in setting boundaries and limits
Encourage good behavior
Give options and alternatives
The goal should be to develop self-discipline and good cooperation
Nurture creativity and exploration
Don’t miss opportunities for a child to learn
Consistent boundaries are essential
- kids thrive on consistency
Ben’s struggle to maintain consistency

-Straying outside the RIE approach…1:06:40

Straying when it comes to sleep
Sleep is a controversial topic
Breastfeeding and co-sleeping
- Great for intimacy and the connection
Ben’s experience with co-sleeping
- Brain wave syncing
In ancestral living, babies would not be left alone
HeartMath

-Joseph's and Emilia’s plans for education…1:13:15

Got a nanny twice a week
Exploring options
Would love 2-3 days of program
Waldorf school in Austin
New baby coming
Friends with homeschool coops and who are also unschooling but most probably a hybrid option
Ben’s sons are enrolled in APOGEE, a program founded by Matt Beaudreau and Tim Kennedy
- The Acton Academy
RUNGA is hosting a gut health and inflammation micro-conference in October

-And much more…

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32 Questions For Boundless Parenting

The following questions were posed to Patrick and Laurie Gentempo, and the rest of the wise parents interviewed for my upcoming book, Boundless Parenting.

How many children do you have, how old are they, what is their profession or passion, and why, in particular, are you proud of them?
Are there any elements of your parenting approach that you would consider to be particularly unique?
What books, systems, models, or resources do you rely heavily upon or consider to be indispensable in your own parenting?
What traditions, habits, routines, or rituals are most important, memorable, or formative for your family?
What rites of passage or significant moments of maturation to adolescence or adulthood have your children experienced, if any?
Who do you look up to as parenting mentors?
What have you taught your children about raising their own children?
Do you have any philosophies or strategies for educating your children outside of traditional school, such as homeschooling, unschooling, self-directed education, or other alternatives, creative, or “outside-the-box” forms of education?
What has been your proudest moment as a parent, and why?
What do you wish you had known before first becoming a parent?
Have you ever experienced imposter syndrome as a parent? If so, how have you coped with that?
How have you achieved a balance between mentoring and passing on wisdom without “living vicariously” through your children?
Have you ever faced any big parenting decisions that kept you awake at night worrying or that you feared you would mess up?
What do you regret, if anything, from your experience as a parent?
What is the biggest mistake you have made as a parent?
What, if anything, from your parenting experience would you go back and change or improve?
If you had multiple children, what did you think was right at the time with one child that you then went back and changed with the next child or future children?
Have you ever sensed or feared that your children would grow up too different or weird as a result of any “outside-the-box” parenting approaches you used? If so, how did you deal with that?
Have you ever differed from your spouse on parenting principles, techniques, or approaches? If so, how did you manage that?
Warning: This question is long but important: As a parent, have you ever felt conflicted about wanting to share a book, teaching, resource, or method with your children as a means of impacting their future success, but feared that it might “overload” them, especially at their age? If so, how did you balance bestowing this valuable knowledge to your child without causing them to worry too much about adult concerns? How did you decide when to just “let a kid be a kid” versus nudging them towards responsible adulthood and the attainment of valuable wisdom?
How have you balanced being a present, engaged parent while preserving your own identity, taking time for your own self-care, tending to your career, or pursuing other interests that did not include your children?
How have you engaged in one-on-one time or created space for dedicated time with your child, especially if you have more than one child?
If your children have grown up and moved out of your house, what strategies have you found most helpful for maintaining and building your relationship with them?
If your children have grown up and moved out of your house, do you often miss them, fear for them, or think of them? If so, how have you coped with any loneliness or desire for their presence?
Do you have non-negotiable rules for your children?
How have you disciplined your children, if at all?
How have you helped your child to establish responsibly, moderated, or conscientious consumption or use of books, media, entertainment, screen time, and social media? This is not my favorite question because the focus on “limiting screen time” seems a bit blown out of proportion these days and I think causes kids to get obsessed with the “forbidden fruit” of screen time, but it seems to be on the minds of many parents today, so I’d be remiss not to include it.
Have you emphasized or encouraged any health, fitness, or healthy eating principles with your children? If so, what has seemed to work well?
If your child or children could inscribe anything on your gravestone, what would you hope that they would write? What would you most want them to remember about you?
What do you most want to be remembered for as a parent?
What do you think your child or children would say is their fondest memory of being raised by you?
What message for parents would you put on a billboard?

Click here for the full written transcript of this podcast episode.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

– Joseph Anew And Emilía Rún:

– Books:

Boundless Parenting by Ben Greenfield
Dear Parent: Caring for Infants with Respect by Magda Gerber
Your Self-Confident Baby: How to Encourage Your Child's Natural Abilities by Magda Gerber

– Other Resources:

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Do you have questions, thoughts, or feedback for Joseph, Emilia, or me? Leave your comments below, and one of us will reply!