January 27, 2024

Ever found yourself pondering the decisions you'd navigate if life orchestrated an unexpected turn and reshaped your family's journey?

My guests today, Joe and Mell Hashey, had their lives turned upside down in 2020, forcing them to bid farewell to their cherished “dream home” and embark on a 2,000-mile journey to an unfamiliar town, where they knew no one. This transformative experience became the catalyst for the creation of Strong Family Co. — a versatile framework any family can adopt to establish values and cultivate stress-free family leadership. 

Joe Hashey earned his Master of Education from Colgate University, where he played football for a few years before four knee surgeries. He became an award-winning high school social studies teacher for eight years and a local youth coach. Mell Hashey is a former social worker turned stay-at-home mom of three.

In college, Joe's father passed away due to preventable health issues. Fueled by a passion for promoting health and wellness, Joe launched a local personal training company dedicated to helping busy adults live longer and healthier lives. He has been a prominent leader in his community for 15 years and was honored as the Chamber of Commerce's Small Business Person of the Year in 2018.

Realizing he was dedicating more time to his business than to his family, Joe swiftly rebalanced. Now, as a business consultant for companies coast to coast, he applies those lessons to guide the most important organization in his life: his family.

Together, the Hasheys penned Strong Family Guidebook: Your Guide to Raising Confident, Independent, and Resilient Children, a practical guide full of the wisdom that transformed their family into a resilient unit. Joe and Mell emphasize the irreplaceable role parents play in their children's lives, reminding you that amidst career and financial pursuits, parenthood is earned through daily commitment. From organizing family meetings to instilling lasting principles in your children, The Strong Family Guidebook offers an operating system for your family's unique values and dynamics, fostering a resilient family, where individual strengths contribute to the collective magic that binds you together.

During this discussion, you'll discover:  

-Who is Joe Hashey?…05:21

• The Strong Family Guidebook: Your Guide to Raising Confident, Independent, and Resilient Children by Joe and Mell Hashey
• Joe Hashey
  • Earned his Master of Education from Colgate University
  • Award-winning high school social studies teacher
  • Local youth coach
  • Personal trainer
• Joe’s wife, Mell, co-authored the book

-Why did Joe walk from the airport to the Ben Greenfield Life retreat?…08:30

• A habit he picked up 5 years ago
• Had to speak at a National Strength and Conditioning Association (NSCA) conference in Nashville
  • He decided to walk from the airport to clear his thoughts
• Seattle is a 70-mile walk from the airport 
  • Had a bottle of water and ate berries along the way
• Packed all his stuff into one backpack
  • Wearing mostly T-shirts and shorts
• Bucket bags
• Mell used to worry about Joe’s crazy challenges but she doesn't anymore
• Uses a GPS tracker
• Story about hiking in the Adirondacks

-What does Joe listen to when walking?…14:47

• Usually something related to the event that he is going to
• Very rarely music
• EOS — Gino Wickman's Entrepreneurial Operating System
  • What the Heck Is EOS?: A Complete Guide for Employees in Companies Running on EOS by Gino Wickman
• Traction: Get a Grip on Your Business by Gino Wickman
• Rocket Fuel by Gino Wickman
• Patrick Lencioni books
  • The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable by Patrick Lencioni
• How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
• Never Eat Alone and Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time by Keith Ferrazzi
• The Go-Giver by Bob Burg
• Charisma on Command podcast
• Ben reads 2 books a month with his sons
• The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel
• Same as Ever: A Guide to What Never Changes by Morgan Housel
• There is no formal method of teaching children how to navigate socially
• Chris Voss Teaches The Art of Negotiation — Masterclass

-How do you expose kids to learning charisma and negotiation?…19:18

• Joe noticed his oldest son was struggling
• Created a game to fill in the gaps
  • Teaching kids how to ask questions
  • How to listen to the other person
  • Repeat back what they said before they speak and add something new
• Rhetoric game
• Ben buys a game once a month
• Joe and Mell try to be together to reconnect at the dinner table
  • They talk or play games
  • A game of sharing gratitude
  • Includes their 5-year-old son
• How Joe and Mell started implementing family routines
• It's been a big evolution, not something they grew up with
• Joe was a workaholic
  • Realized he wasn’t spending enough time with his family

-How do Joe and Mell incorporate physical activity into their lives?… 25:36

• Joe always played sports
• Got injured and had 4 knee surgeries
• His dad wasn’t very healthy and passed away in his early 50s
  • An eye-opening experience
• Built a little gym
• Drove around different gyms and wanted to learn as much as possible
• Elite FTS
• What happened to Joe’s knees?
• The benefits of a treadmill
• Podcast with Ben Patrick:
  • “How To Get Rid Of Knee Pain Forever, The Best Knee Rehab Exercises, The Ancient Chinese Technique To Keep Your Knees Young & More With Ben Patrick, The ‘Knees Over Toes Guy.'”
• Ben Patrick's backward treadmill
• Mell’s journey into fitness
  • Hard not to work out when you live with a trainer
• Synergy Athletics
• How do Joe and Mell involve their children?
  • 5 minutes of morning exercise for building habits
  • Family workouts — keeping them fun
• Ben’s fitness walks and adventures with his kids
• Apogee
• Current workout routine
• Joe and Mell’s board
  • Asking kids what they want their commitment to be

-How do you create a rite of passage for your kids?…40:29

• They did three major rites of passage this past summer
• Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Father's Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood by Robert Lewis
• Joe climbed Pikes Peak with his 2 sons
  • Gave them a Garmin outdoor watch 
  • Children had to give up a toy as a symbol of the next step in their lives
• Wanted to make a rite of passage exciting and unforgettable
  • Going through an experience that is life-changing
• For Christmas, Mell created a collage for each of them to commemorate that experience
• Ben’s experience with his sons' rite of passage with Tim Corcoran
• Twin Eagles Wilderness School
• Podcast with Tim and Jeannine Corcoran:
  • “Educating The Next Generation With Ceremonies, Rites Of Passage, Nature Immersion, Wilderness Survival & More With Tim Corcoran & Jeannine Tidwell.”
• Incorporating some recognition into the next phase of a kid’s life
• What's memorable is portable
• Legado Family
• Podcast with Rich Christiansen:
  • “How To Build Your Legacy, Bond Your Family With Traditions, Rituals & Routines, Rites Of Passage & Much More With Rich Christiansen of Legado Family Founder.”

-What are the Hashey family's core values?…49:03

• Wanted core values that they would live by
• Strong Family Co
• Kids are going to establish values, whether you help teach them or not
• Doing an activity called “Kill, Keep, or Combine”
• Testing their values in the real world
• Gratitude and accountability are big words in their lives
• Gratitude as part of daily life
• Being content whatever the circumstances
• They have their core values placed next to the kitchen table
  • Children have memorized them
• Kids looking for friends with similar family values
• Defining chores as contributions to the family

-What is the importance of structured family meetings?…55:19

• Ben’s weekly marriage meetings with his wife
• The Strong Family Guidebook
• Joe and Mell have family meetings during Saturday or Sunday dinner
  • Start with gratitude, then go on with discussion topics — family value embodiment
  • Giving kids a seat at the table
  • Tough truths — a chance for everyone to say whatever they want
  • Weekly commitments
  • Complimenting everyone for their contributions
  • Ending meetings with handshakes and hugs
  • Kids love to be a part of the problem-solving, pointing to the kids for the solutions
• Carving up time and structure
• What to do when it’s too late?
  • Bring the older child to sit on your side of the table

-What are the things Joe and Mell haven’t implemented yet?…1:03:20

• Always experimenting — kids always throw you curve balls
• Looking to enhance family relationships
• Kids entering new phases in their lives
  • Parents need to evolve with their kids
• Watching out for kids struggling
• Shoe Dog: Young Readers Edition by Phil Knight
• Always seeking to improve
• Evening debrief with the older kids
• Mell carving the end of the day for powerful open talks
• Educating kids about the “real” world
• Seth Godin
• Ben’s reading routine with his kids
  • Discussing a chapter for the day
• The importance of getting back on track — a constant struggle
  • Structure is often what helps you, keeps you grounded