August 27, 2022
[00:00:48] Podcast Sponsors
[00:05:01] Podcast and Guest Intro
[00:08:47] A typical day for Susan Bratton
[00:12:00] Libido, desire, and arousal, and the difference between male and female arousal patterns
[00:19:53] Why does it take a man less time to get aroused than a woman?
[00:24:18] Natural solutions/supplements for women to get aroused faster
[00:30:46] Do women experience a stronger orgasm if they use testosterone topical creams like Androgel or testosterone cream?
[00:33:38] Pumps and how using them on your clitoris can improve blood flow/arousal/orgasm
[00:40:15] Genital steaming for both men and women
[00:41:37] Thrust in Time and spicing things up in the bedroom
[00:50:31] Podcast Sponsors
[00:54:17] How to speed up the refractory period for men
[00:59:13] Do carbohydrates speed up the refractory period?
[01:01:05] How a woman can have multiple orgasms
[01:04:02] Sex toys that are a big win for every couple and the Sex Life Master Plan
[01:11:02] Susan Bratton's recommended sex toys
[01:18:01] Should you use sex toys?
[01:23:54] Closing the Podcast
[01:25:37] End of Podcast
Ben: My name is Ben Greenfield. And, on this episode of the Ben Greenfield Life podcast.
Susan: Ben, I'm 61 years old, and I'm having the best sex of my life. I had this incredible weekend of sex and I had to go to the gynecologist to make sure I didn't break anything. I was like, “Just check and make sure everything's good.” And, she said, “I have to commend you on how beautiful your vulva is. I can't believe you're 61. Everything looks so good. I never see women in here with vulvas as healthy as yours. What do you do?”
Ben: Faith, family, fitness, health, performance, nutrition, longevity, ancestral living, biohacking, and a whole lot more. Welcome to the show.
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Alright, folks. So, it's every so often that on this show I tackle the somewhat controversial, sometimes embarrassing, but nonetheless often thrilling topic of optimizing your sex life. For example, I had a podcast with Jamie Wheal in which we discussed tantric breathwork and different type of compounds you could use to enhance orgasms, kind of this biohacking sex type of episode. And then, I had another podcast episode with my guests on today's show, Susan Bratton, in which we covered all sorts of tips and tricks and supplements and foods to optimize things like libido and desire and arousal. And, I think that episode actually had 16 different bedroom and sex biohacking tips. And, what I'll do is for the shownotes for this episode, if you go to BenGreenfieldLife.com/SexyTime, S-E-X-Y-T-I-M-E, BenGreenfieldLife.com/SexyTime, I'll link to those two episodes because I think they'd be great for you to listen to in addition to this one that you're about to hear because today to return to the topic of optimizing your sex life, I'm welcoming Susan Bratton back.
And, Susan has actually been super-duper kind of late in terms of sending me and my wife all sorts of different primarily like her content or material, her little books that allow you to really transform your sex life. And, she's known as like the Dear Abby of sex. She's helped millions of people around the world transform their sexual experience and really make sex a lot more fun, a lot more interesting. Not that sex isn't fun and interesting in the first place, but she definitely, as you're about to hear, has a really unique approach to making this really, really great.
So, I was actually also in Susan's Sexual Vitality Summit to discuss natural testosterone enhancement some time ago. What was that Susan, about two years ago that we did that, I think?
Susan: I think it was more like three or four.
Ben: Three or four, I don't know. Yeah, it depends if we count the COVID years or not. I don't know if those even, if you get classic —
Susan: It was just yesterday, Ben.
Ben: Yup, exactly, exactly. Okay. So, I have this giant stack of super fun not safe for work, but super fun little books that you sent me. I got one called “Come Full Circle,” the “Multi-Orgasmic Lover” manual, the “Thrust In Time,” which I didn't tell my wife I read, I just started using it and blew her away. She loved it. “The 5 Steamy Sex Ed Techniques,” “The 7 Stimulating Sex Positions,” which also actually I'm going to have to ask you about this too Susan during our podcast because it's like this conundrum of having a little book like this and laying it out on the bed and practicing it, and then it's seeming like it's all just contrived and kind of weird have a book open while you're having sex at least in my opinion. But anyways, that “7 Stimulating Sex Positions” one is really good too. One on “Dominate Him Tonight,” “The Sexual Soulmate Pact,” “The Soulmate Embrace,” and then “Steamy Sex Ed: How to be instantly hotter and sexier in bed.” So, you sent all of these up and I've been just slowly digesting them. And, my wife and I have been working a few of these little tactics here and there as we've read these. And so, they're all fantastic. And, I'll link to information about all these at BenGreenfieldLife.com/SexyTime.
So, first of all, thank you for all these materials. Do you just spend a lot of your day writing books or what's a typical day actually look like for you?
Ben: Wait, when I interview someone about sex and they say ball slams, I got to ask. You're talking medicine balls?
Susan: I love the balls? I am talking ball. But, that's how my day starts out. Every day, my day starts out with a workout because your libido, so many people are like, “Ah, my hormones. There's something wrong with my hormones. I don't have any libido.” And, like, “Mm, it's actually probably not your hormones. Although if you took some testosterone you'd be hornier than ever.”
Susan: But, it's your physical body and your physical energy are the other side of the same coin of your libido. So, I practice sex. I have sex dates. I have research partners. I have lovers. I have my husband who is my muse. And, all of those, you said, “How do you make it sexy when you're trying a new sex position and you got a book laid out in bed?” I think that for a lot of couples getting the ideas from me of, “What should we do to keep our sex life fun, what could we be learning, what's new for us?” is what I spend my time doing. You said I sent you a bunch of little books. I always think it's the little hinge that swings the big door with regard to sex. It shouldn't be something overwhelming. Like one juicy position that you've never tried, and here's why it's good or one technique or when I sent you those books, I actually put them in order for you, and I said, “First, do ‘The Soul Mate Embrace,' then learn ‘The Sexual Soulmate Pact,” which is how to ask for anything you want or need or talk about anything in the bedroom with total confidence.”
So, I've written, I don't know, 35, 40 books, but they're always small books because I think that when you give people techniques, whether they're communication techniques or pleasuring, sex positions, intercourse techniques like “thrust in time,” that one, that “Thrust in Time,” that little technique that — and most of my books are free. I have advanced orgasm skills that are what I charge for online programs where people learn actual orgasm technique, but little techniques like “Thrust in Time” or sex position, seven positions or things like that, those are things that the minute you get it and you try it like you did with “Thrust in Time”, you had an instant win. You were like, “Oh, she really liked that. That's now part of my repertoire. That Susan Bratton knows what she's talking about. What else does she have?” So, what I do is I get up and I work out and then I write sexy things.
Ben: By the way, I'll give you an opportunity here in a little bit to explain what thrust in time actually is because I'm sure everybody's wondering right now. And, don't worry, Susan and I are going to get into talking about some of the toys and positions and the logistics and the ins and outs, pun intended again, of some of this stuff.
But, but, but, I have to ask you, I guess, Susan one of the things that I'm curious about, and this is relevant I suppose to just what comes before sex and is a little bit more of a big picture question. I had originally thought about asking you like, “Well, how often should you have sex? And, what's the average number of times per week that a married couple like my wife and I have sex?” But, as you noted to me, it's going to be highly variant, and we never want to guilt trip people into thinking that they got to do it one or three or seven times or whatever because that's what your neighbor is doing. But, I am curious about the difference between males and females particularly when it comes to arousal patterns because I think a lot of people don't really understand that. And, I'd love to hear you get into that a little bit.
Susan: So, there is a big difference between male and female desire and arousal, and even libido. I like to think about libido, desire, and arousal as three concentric interlocking circles like a Venn diagram where libido is that body-based energy that you have. When your gut microbiome is good and you're making all your hormones and you're making all your neurotransmitters, so you feel good and you have plenty of system resources, then you have desire for sex. When those are minimal, your desire for sex goes down. So, a lot of times when people think it's their hormones, half the time, it's their gut microbiome that's the problem, they're not operating well.
And then, desire is really when people say, “Oh, your brain is the biggest sex organ.” Desire is, “How do I feel about myself? Do I feel beautiful? Do I feel sexy? Do I like the way my genitals look? Do I feel turned on by life?” And then, arousal is how we get turned on. The way our body gets into turn on and gets really turned on, and that actually comes back to blood flow as much as it comes back to any of the things you're thinking. And, the one thing that I think people really don't understand about turn-on and arousal is that when men get turned on, they get turned on pretty quickly. They have the benefit of something called hemodynamics. It even sounds masculine, but it just means blood energy, the flow of your blood. And, the chambers and the penis, they're like a straight shot and the blood runs in. They think turning on any thoughts and their penis goes boing, and they're turned on and they're ready to go because every day you get a really nice bath of testosterone that makes you horny.
Where for women, they're female-bodied, people there in this 28-day cycle or so, 30 days, 40 days, whatever it might be, 21 days. And so, they're going up and into estrogen out so they're more turned on at different times of the month though they could get turned on at any time of the month. But, we have the same amount of erectile tissue in our vulva but it's a pachinko game or an English muffin where there's all these nooks and crannies that the blood has to flow into.
Women actually have three erectile tissue systems in their vulva. They've got the clitoral system, the perineal system, and the urethral system, and they're all spongy tissue, and they actually wrap around the vagina like a big bracelet of erectile tissue.
And so, a lot of people, a lot of sexperts will say, “You've got to touch the clitoris to give a woman an orgasm.” It's like, “Well, you think you're talking about the tip of the clitoris.” And, yes, that's nice, but when a woman's vulva, when all that erectile system is activated and full of blood, it's expanded, it's literally bigger like we get an erection. And, when we get an erection, we have more surface area sending more pleasure signals to the brain, making it easier for us to orgasm, which is why that thrust in time which we will describe we promise we promise, that thrust in time technique, what it does is it remembers, it knows that when you're making love to her and you're having penetrative sex that her entire vagina is surrounded by erectile issue and you don't actually need to directly stimulate the tip of the clitoris because if you get her, I'm going to use another word, yoni, Y-O-N-I, which is a cute word for her vulva. Because vulva sounds like malva, malva. It's kind of like not a sexy word for a woman's genital system, but yoni is a pretty word and lingam is the penis. So, yoni and lingam are cute words we could use for our genitals that sound nice.
And so, when her yoni gets all plump and fluff and engorged with blood, you literally don't even necessarily need to touch the tip of the clitoris and she can have orgasm after orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. So, the problem is that when an XX person and an XY chromosome person get together, a female and a male get together and he's already turned on and ready to go and she's not yet fully aroused, engorged, and erect and they have intercourse really early and without enough foreplay, turn-on, arousal, massage, pleasuring sensation, she can't have an orgasm from intercourse and then she thinks, “Oh well, I can't have an orgasm from intercourse.” And, he goes, “Well, I guess she can't have an orgasm from intercourse, so we'll do some other stuff.”
Susan: Instead of understanding that it's actually just she needs more time to get aroused and get all that blood flowing to her genitals.
Ben: Yeah. Oh, my gosh, I have so many questions based off of a lot of things that you've mentioned just in the past five minutes. So, maybe I'll just go chronologically from a few things that you said. First of all, I have to emphasize that I think it really is important what you mentioned about libido and sexual performance and sexual pleasure not necessarily being tied to endocrine function or hormonal function. I think that that is something a lot of people pay a lot of attention to without realizing. I mean, you brought up the gut-brain axis or I suppose in this case we called the gut genital axis, right? And, that's super relevant to me because I do a lot of blood testing, I do a lot of hormone testing, and my vitamin D is great, and my testosterone is great, and my sex hormone binding globulin is low and I don't have huge amount of estrogens or anything like that.
But case in point, even last night, I actually wanted to have a little epic lovemaking session last night with Jessa just because I figured, “Hey, we're going to talk to Susan tomorrow morning. Might as well get the momentum going and use fewer tactics.” But, my tummy just didn't feel that great after dinner. And, you know what, even though my testosterone was elevated and the blood flow was good, I'd used my watermelon and beetroot extract earlier on in the day for a little bit of natural nitric oxide production, sex was the farthest thing from my mind because my stomach was bugging me. So, I think that's important for people to realize like if you've got low libido or you have let's say less than stellar orgasms or poor sexual performance, don't necessarily just look at testosterone and estrogen and progesterone. Of course, all these things people typically measure. I mean, like you mentioned, Susan, look at things like the gut parasites, yeasts, fungus, different overgrowths like that, stealth, coinfections, Lyme. There's a lot of stuff that can go into libido. So, I wanted to highlight that for folks.
But then when it comes to blood flow, I definitely have some questions for you. Why do you think it is that a guy can experience blood flow in what seems to be relatively rapid fashion; whereas, and correct me if I'm wrong here, it seems to take longer for women. Is that psychological or is there something anatomical or physiological that makes it so that women take a longer time for the clitoris and the perineum and the urethral areas to actually engorge with blood?
Susan: Yeah, it is literally just the nooks and cranny situation where the clitoral tissue is a head and a shaft, just like a mini penis with two arms called crura and two legs called vestibular bulbs that are right under the pubic hair on each side of the opening to the vagina, which is called the vestibule. The opening is that called the vestibule. And then, the little arms go back up along the roof of the vagina. The urethral sponge is actually literally the urethral tube down which the urine flows from the bladder out the vestibule. That's where she pees and she ejaculates.
So, just as a man urinates and ejaculates out of his penis, out of that long tube, she has a long tube that comes out of her vestibule above her vagina and below the clitoral tip, and that's where she ejaculates and urinates. So, all women can ejaculate, it's not urine, and it comes out of the same tube just like men. And, then that there's a sponge covering that tube, and that's what people call the G-spot, but it's a really long tube kind of the pool noodles that little boys and girls play with in the pool and they whack each other. Those whacking instruments, that's what a urethral sponge looks like. That's what the G-spot looks like.
And, the blood plasma for women seeps down into these things called Skene's glands and into that sponge, and into the urethra. And then, she has this orgasmic contraction that sends the fluid out. And, that comes from blood plasma.
And, her vagina isn't a gland like a prostate is. A prostate is a muscle and a gland. A vagina is a muscle with many layers of tissue inside it that it's super stretchy because a baby has to come out of there, and it squeezes. So, if she has good pelvic floor muscle, she can squeeze the penis inside her vagina and that feels really good. The French call that Pompoir, which is a beautiful name of squeezing a dick.
Ben: Okay. And, what's pompoir refer to again?
Susan: That's the squeezing of the vaginal muscles especially around a penis for increasing the contraction and the pleasure. And, the vagina wets itself through blood plasma seeping into the pelvis and blood flow bringing the fluid into the vagina and wetting the walls. If she drinks her watermelon, beetroot juice, she gets better blood flow to her pelvis, which increases her engorgement or erection or hard-on of all her tissue. She gets more lubrication and she ultimately has better musculature control, so she gets better contractions, which send more powerful orgasmic signals to her brain so she has more intensity of orgasm. So, it's the same exact system when the blood shoots down those three little chambers of the penis, the corpus spongiosum, which is basically his G-spot kind of analogous thing, it's his urethral canal with a sponge around it and then two corpus cavernosum and that these giant jets of sponge and the blood just goes poo and he goes pew and he gets an erection. She's got to have it all seep and flow in. It's a not-as-director route, so he's got the benefit of daily testosterone at higher levels and he has the benefit of faster-acting blood flow hemodynamics compared to her.
Susan: So, that 20 minutes, it takes 20 minutes of foreplay to get a woman turned on thing, that's basically how long it takes the blood flow to get started rolling in there.
Ben: Twenty minutes. Okay.
Susan: As a minimum.
Ben: So, do you think and maybe it's because it's been marketed primarily to men when you look at compounds that have sildenafil in it like Viagra for example, or even like I mentioned earlier, some of these natural things that I know a lot of guys use like watermelon or beets, or there was one company that recently sent me some stuff. I think it was called Joymode. It was like this powder and wasn't Viagra, but it was a natural powder version of that. I think it did have like beet and watermelon or arginine or citrulline or some of these common vasodilatory substances in them, which by the way for men or women listening in, most common pre-workout supplements also work pretty well for this type of thing because that's what they're designed to do. Does it help women to take this type of compounds? Would it speed up that process? Maybe not that we're all about time hacking here when it comes to sex, but would it allow women to perhaps be fully aroused in say 10 minutes versus 20 minutes? Do you recommend those type of things for women?
Susan: Well, I never recommend pharmaceuticals, what I recommend is natural solutions that help you replace the natural loss of nitric oxide production as you age. And, you're absolutely right that for most bodybuilders, they take arginine for the pump. The studies show that citrulline, which is from the watermelon, watermelon is called Citrullus vulgaris and actually comes from the rind and not the fruit. That citrulline is the best thing for people over 40. And so, for example, I have both the publishing company of passionate love-making techniques and a supplement company called The 20. And, my top selling product is a product called Flow, F-L-O-W, and it's a nitric oxide booster made from organic fruits and vegetables because, by the time you're in your 40s, you're — by the time you're in your 50s, you have half the nitric oxide production you had when you were in your 20s if you're eating plenty of leafy green vegetables and regularly eating beetroot, which is so good for you, et cetera. And so, people aren't eating leafy green vegetables.
Ben: Yeah. And, maybe I'll link to it in the shownotes because I did a whole podcast on nitric oxide and some of the myths surrounding it. So, I'll link to that at BenGreenfieldLife.com/SexyTime if people want to go listen to that. But, you mentioned Susan about eating a lot of these foods that have nitric oxide precursors or nitrates in them, it turns out and I don't know if you knew this, if your mouth is too clean or has fluoride in it, you're unable to actually do the proper conversion of those substances, nitric oxide. So, if you're using mouthwash or drinking heavily fluoridated water —
Susan: Antibacterial mouthwash.
Ben: Yeah, antibacterial mouthwash, using a lot of fluoridated toothpaste. Even if you're consuming those type of compounds, you actually don't produce adequate nitric oxide. And, of course, there's a whole lot of other things like nasal breathing or mouth taping while you sleep, all sorts of little tricks and hacks for nitric oxide. But, this Flow supplement that you make that has the citrulline in it — Do you know Judson Brandeis I think his name is?
Susan: Yeah. Jud, yes, very good friend of mine. Jud has a citrulline product as well. His is not an organic product. I wanted an organic product so I formulated it from the ground up, but I always love Jud's prostate product, which is called Spunk, his testosterone product called Support T, and he has another product that's also really good that I'm forgetting. There are three products that I actually carry in my store for people because when I find a great product, I don't need to reinvent the wheel. But, I needed an organic nitric oxide product and there isn't anything out there, and so I made one from organic substances for good for people over 40.
Susan: So, that's why I have my own.
Ben: Okay. So, I think that this is probably the case. More women should think about some of these things that men traditionally, I think, think about more when it comes to blood flow if they want to optimize things like orgasm and sexual arousal.
Susan: The women who follow me had all taken Flow and they're like, “Oh, my God, I've never been wetter. My orgasms are so much better.” They're also getting O shots, the orgasm shots, the PRP shots. They're also using their vFit, which is their photobiomodulation device that I recommend. I mean, I have a stack for men and I have a stack for women. It's a simple stack.
I don't know if you know this, Ben, but I wrote a book on penis enlargement called “The Pump Guide” and I just launched my second edition of that, and I've had over 50,000 copies have been downloaded of that book. I've helped thousands and thousands and thousands of guys reverse the natural penile atrophy of aging and regain their function both with the stack, it's pumping with a good quality pump. I recommend the Whopper, the Kaplan pump, and GainsWave or the Phoenix at home if you're a DIY guy and the P-Shot if you can afford it and Flow.
So, a lot of times a guy can go from taking a 60-milligram dose of Viagra to get an erection down to 10 milligrams chewed sub and then stuffed under sublingually. If you take it in sublingually, you really bypass that whole sinus, stuffy sinuses, flushing headaches the next day, you get the dose way down because you've upped your nitric oxide. So, you take your Flow. And then, some guys have been able to get completely off of having to worry about taking any pharmaceuticals because they top their nitric oxide system, they got their blood flowing back in their penises again. It is so much about the physiology, so much of it is, the pleasure.
Ben: Yeah, or you could just fast-track it and use the nitric oxide. Have you used that cream? I don't think it's called nitric oxide cream, it's called, gosh, you know what I'm talking about like a lot of people use it for blood pressure, for example.
Susan: In the studies that Jud did, it didn't prove out to be effective enough.
Ben: Oh, really? Okay.
Susan: Jud actually did a study on that. He was looking at a topical nitric oxide solution because I was really excited to get the results of that. He does a lot of clinical research. And, yeah, he's one of my best friends. So, we're nerds together. He's taught me so much.
Ben: Yeah, it seems so vasodilatory. I almost got dizzy. I think it dropped my blood pressure.
Ben: Yeah, it was a little bit much.
Now, when it comes to the other part that you mentioned, the libido and testosterone component, there's also this idea that women might be able to experience a stronger orgasm if they use testosterone specifically a very, very small amount of a topical like an AndroGel or testosterone cream applied clitorally before sex. Have you come across that at all?
Susan: I can't live without testosterone. I have it compounded in organic Shea butter and I just wipe it on my clitoral structure and my labia every morning because I also use intravaginal estrogen because I'm 61 years old. Ben, I'm 61 years old and I'm having the best sex of my life. I had this incredible weekend of sex, and I had to go to the gynecologist to make sure I didn't break anything. I was like, “Just check and make sure everything's good.” And, she said, “I have to commend you on how beautiful your vulva is. I can't believe you're 61, everything looks so good. I never see women in here with vulvas as healthy as yours. What do you do?” I was like, “Yay.”
Susan: And, it's because I use estrogen in my vagina. I use my vFit red light. I use testosterone on my clitoris and my labia, and I have lots of great sex all the time. And, one of the things that's really good is that there's a huge benefit for women in being on the contraception that allows us to have semen in our vagina. Semen has over 20 beneficial ingredients for women. Everything from luteinizing hormone to regulate our menstrual cycle, to zinc for cognitive function, to testosterone. We get testosterone from our male-bodied partners both when they kiss us and when they ejaculate inside us.
So, when you have regular intercourse and you've learned because it's a learned skill how to have orgasms from penis and vagina sex without any additional support, just the old in and out, old in and out, and that's a learned skill. And, once you realize it's a learned skill, I'm going to learn it and you do and then you're like, “Oh, my God, I can't believe I didn't know I could learn this.” You just want more sex. And then, you are closer and you're more connected to your partner and you want to try new things, you want to try more oral things, you want to try more positions, you gain more confidence, you're just healthier. It's definitely one of those snowball effects. The more you have, the better you get. The better you get, the more you want. And, it just fuels your creativity and your passion for life, not just for your sex life.
Ben: Yeah, yeah.
And, by the way, you mentioned a couple of other things there. I don't know if we talked about this on our last episode, but when I did that article for Men's Health magazine sometime back, it was called I think it was four years ago, they called it “New Year, New Dick.” It came out in their January edition and it was me trying all these things like reduced ejaculation frequency and red light on the balls and different so-called gas station dick pills, just all sorts of crazy stuff. One of the parts of that was stem cell injections and then PRP and this GainsWave that you talked about, which they typically outfit you with one of these fancy Tesla-style penis pumps with afterwards. And, my wife joined me with it for a lot of that, she did the stem cell injections into the clitoris. She did the GainsWave. And, a lot of that stuff actually seem to work pretty well.
We don't do a lot of that anymore, but some of these things you mentioned that might be fringe, we've messed around some of that stuff and it actually does seem to work. Now, you brought up the red light, and of course, I've talked in the past about that being a tactic for men to increase the activity of the Leydig cells in the testes to produce more testosterone, and possibly also to increase blood flow. You also use that vaginally?
Susan: Yeah. So, there's a couple things. Number one the pump that I recommend, the Whopper, it now comes with a red light wrap. And, it's funny because it's a sleeve that goes on the pump. When I had had long haul COVID as you know but no one else does, and I had all this muscle wasting and I just was so beleaguered, and when I started working out I swapped out 30 pounds of fat for a bunch of new muscle, but I had really wrinkly skin on the top of my arms above my elbows where my biceps are. Your skin doesn't snap back when you're older like it does when you're younger and you lose weight.
And so, I take those penis pump sleeves, I have two of them and I slide them up on my arms and I've been wearing them on around my biceps every morning for half an hour while I lie there and use my vFit gold, which is this little intravaginal device that when you turn it on, it has three things. It has red light. So, photobiomodulation, I'm going to tell you what it does with that, it has warmth and it has vibration. It's not a vibrator, but the vibration helps with Kegel toning for pelvic musculature. You need strong pelvic muscular for avoiding incontinence, which is a big issue for women, and for good orgasmic contraction and sensation. The warmth helps with collagenating the vaginal mucosal tissue, so you're thickening the tissue because it gets thin as your hormone declines as you age. And, it helps with painful sex because it's rebuilding, the red light is stimulating new tissue growth, new vaginal mucosal tissue growth, and it's thickening that back up. And, it's also for many women. I've had a lot of women who've gotten the vFit and they've said, “I never really liked the way my vagina smelled. I didn't have any infection. I couldn't figure out what to do. And, as soon as I started using that red light inside my vagina, it's like that odor went away. And now, there's no smell at all.” Because your vagina shouldn't really have much of a smell.
I just saw this thing on Instagram where this guy was talking about how 80% of the women he sleeps with, he doesn't like the smell of the woman's vaginas. And, one of my fans sent it to me and said, “Do you think that's true? Do you think that many women don't smell good down there?” And, I thought about it and I thought, “Well, in the average universe of the average person on this horrible American diet, their vaginal microbiome is a mirrored reflection of their gut microbiome, and it's probably really off.” And so, yeah, I have a feeling there's a lot of women out there who could smell a lot better than they do because their whole biomes are just in disarray. A lot of times when women have vaginal issues, I say to them, take a woman's probiotic and put it in a little coconut oil or a little sweet almond oil or something like that.
Ben: Yeah, that's what I was actually going to ask you about was these probiotic inserts because I've seen those before. I think my wife has actually used them in the past.
Susan: Just stick it right up inside your yoni, and that helps more than try to take it orally. I mean, that's going to take forever.
Ben: Does the strain matter by the way on those? Is there a specific strain that's supposed to be better for the vagina?
Susan: Yes, there is. I want to say one more thing about that red light and that red light is that what it does is it remodels the glycogen in the vagina. So, it gets really that sticky stuff, but here's really interesting things. So, I had a girlfriend and we both got our vaginal microbiomes tested because if we were going to make love with my partner and we were going to be swapping biomes, we wanted to see if we had a similar microbiome. Apparently, there are five, four or five basic microbiome lead bacterias that a woman can have and they're along ethnic lines.
Obviously not perfect because there's a lot of mongering around now, but Caucasian women have I think it's a lactobacillus lead bacteria. African-American women have a different one. Hispanic women have a different one and Asian women have a different one. And then, there's another one that I think is a real small outlier. And, I don't remember what they all are, but women have hereditary because we get this from our mothers as we come out of the womb. We're given our microbiomes, both our vaginal. We're given our breast microbiomes, our vaginal microbiomes, everything we're given them from our mother. And so, my girlfriend and I had the same microbiome and we were like, “Oh, that's cool. We could just go swapping back and forth and not have to worry about upsetting our biome.”
So, that's nerdy sexpert advanced polysilliness right there. This is the stuff you like about me, right? It's like, “Oh, my god, I never thought I'd hear that.”
Ben: For me as a pretty standard monogamous felon in a monogamous relationship. But, I don't know that that'll help me out too much, but the idea of the bacterial flora being so tied to the actual things like the odor and then the red light being able to enhance that. That's super interesting.
Now, I have to ask you all sorts of little rabbit holes here, but when you're talking about genitalia care, have you ever come across this concept of yoni steaming? And then, the reason I ask you this just to just to set the precedent just so you know the direction I'm coming from here. I'd heard about it before and then I came across the idea that it was actually pretty good for guys too as far as pelvic floor musculature, as far as cleaning that area, as far as blood flow, and I didn't really go out and buy one of those giant yoni steaming sauna kits that you'd sit on as a little burner inside it that runs it all for you, I just basically use the Dutch pot. I made some amazing tea. I used my squatty potty and just squatted over that. And, that was about a month ago and it felt amazing. I've done it three or four times since, but what do you think about this idea, I guess for me it'd be lingam steaming? But, what do you think of the idea of yoni steaming?
Susan: A lot of people swear by it. I don't know anything about it. I'm going to have to try it.
Ben: Yeah, you should. I think you'd find it really interesting. There's obviously all sorts of websites out there where people sell these steam kits. I'm sure you could probably get one for free as a sex expert sent over to you. But, I think it's really interesting and actually, it felt super nourishing. And, I would imagine with as many women has swear by it that is something that might be right up your alley.
So, we started talking about arousal and obviously got drawn into a whole bunch of little topics related to that. But, I want to get into some of the tactics. We mentioned the “Thrust in Time,” and perhaps that'd be a perfect place to start. But, I want to get into some of the things that you think more people should know about as far as spicing things up in the bedroom, whether it's positions or toys, et cetera. And, I realize that's a pretty loaded question, but maybe we could start with the thrust in time and then go from there.
Susan: Yeah, it's actually really easy to answer. I'll give you the big picture and take you right into thrust in time.
Susan: So, one of the things I wrote most recently, I get up and work out, and then I go right about sex. And, one of the things I wrote about were the 20 kinds of orgasms the male and female body can have; the masculine, the XY body, and the XX body. I'm very gender-spectrum supportive. I like the rainbow sparkle universe, but you're either born with a penis or you're born with a vulva. And so, when I say man and woman, that's really what I'm saying here. So, I want people to understand that I really do support all gender expression. And, a lot of times women are pretty aware that they can have a few different kinds of orgasms. I know there's like G-spot, I know there's vaginal, and I know there's clitoral, and there's probably anal and that kind of thing. But, that's about as many as a woman — and she might know, “Oh, I've heard a female ejaculation and that's interesting to me.” And then, guys are like, “Well, I've heard that you could do semen retention and there's something about being multi-orgasmic,” and they think that's having a fast refractory period. They don't understand what being a multi-orgasmic man is. And, men are really, really, really confused about their orgasmic potential where women are a little bit ahead of them and understanding theirs.
And so, when I tell people you can have 20 kinds of orgasms and number 20 is wild card because there are orgasms I don't yet know about. I mean, sex is a vast arena, vast. And, my area of expertise is basically passionate love making, how to transform having sex into making love. That's what I do. And so, the things that I like people to do are understand all the kinds of organisms they can have. And, there are two that women want the most. The last thing I just created is called “Your Sex Life Bucket List.” And, actually when you and I spoke at a conference recently, my keynote was on this. I walked the whole audience through how to come up with their sex life bucket list, which is what you do when you want to have novelty and variety in your sex life, especially in a long-term monogamous sex life. You want to keep learning new things.
And so, I walked the whole audience through 48 different types of things that they could experience from the different types of orgasms they could have, to different types of orgasm techniques they could do, to different types of sex positions. There were all kinds of ideas because that's what people need. They're like, “What do you want to do?” “I don't know. What do you want to do?” “Well, if we had our sex life bucket list and you did your assessment and I did my assessment and then we merged them when we made a little list, we could just see what looked fun and we'll try that the next time we're having a lovemaking date.”
And so, the sex life bucket list is really fun, and thrust in time is one of those sex techniques that helps you have an orgasm from intercourse because you learn from me that it's just a learned skill and you're like, “Oh, my god, okay, I'll learn it.” So, what thrust in time is, and it's at ThrustInTime.com, it's free, it's a download, you can read it, both read it, and then you kind of know what you're doing. It's basically an ancient Daoist practice that I brought up to the 21st century. And, it comes from the Daoist who did teach semen retention. I found that there are about 5% of men for whom semen retention is really good, and about 95% of men who are like, “I really like to ejaculate.” And, I'm like, “You do you.” Everybody's different. Sex is a bell curve. So, this is not a semen retention, what this is is a stamina technique for men because one in four men would consider themselves premature ejaculators they come before they want to. And, many men just simply want more stamina. They want to last longer. They don't think they have a problem, but they just want to go and go and go and go and really, really, really satisfy their woman. And, they understand that it takes her a while to relax and get in the groove and start to come.
And, once a woman starts to come, she can keep coming and keep coming. I can come for an hour straight. The only reason I stop is because I need to get some water and take a break and just take a rest. So, we have this unlimited ability to orgasm. And, that's what this technique gets you into is this experience where she's just coming and coming and coming from penetration, and it's counting technique, it's a stroke technique. It has both the what I would call the shallow or short strokes. They're not fast though, they're slow and long deep strokes, but not super deep and not slammy and not hard. I'm talking about you are smooth.
And, the idea is that you do, it's based on 10s. So, when you enter her, you barely enter her and that introital sphincter, the opening to her vagina is a round sphincter muscle, and it's where women experience the most painful part of sex if they're having painful sex. And so, it's something where as the masculine, you're just full speed ahead and you want to plunge inside her. But, the problem is that that's a lot for her, and so as the masculine, you need to slow way down and almost tease the opening with just the most delicate little like, “Hello, knock, knock, knock. I'm here. Let me in.” so that she relaxes an open. So, you're not forcing your way in, she's almost pulling you in. You're at the opening and you're creating this desire for her to want you inside her where she opens and takes you in. And so, you do these really slow, nine little shallow slow strokes, and then you give her one nice long deep stroke and then you pull it out. And then, you do eight shallow strokes and then two nice deep strokes.
And then, by the time you get to four and five or five and four and you give her those really nice deep, she's going to be begging you for more, and you're not going to give it to her. And, pretty soon you're just going to stay on the pattern, three and eight and three and seven and eight. And, at some point, she's going to have an orgasm just from penetration without any other if you've got done a good warm-up. And, there's one thing I want to say about the warm-ups. Touching the clitoral structures from the outside using your fingers, your tongue going down on her, giving her yoni massage, using a vibrator to get all that tissue really going, all of those things are really good. But, there's also everted clitoral erections. Everted means from the inside out. And, that's where nipple stimulation and kissing come in. That's why making out hot kissing and breast play, not just nipples but full breast play and nipples licking, touching, squeezing. Those two things are fantastic foreplay because they're actually getting her turned on from the inside out. They're giving her an internal clitoral erection.
And then, when you go down to the vulva itself and you're massaging and kneading and stroking and sliding, and then you've got your tongue in there and then you've got tongue and fingers, before you ever get to anything like thrust in time or penetration, she is all nice and warmed up and plump and engorged and she's got her erections, and then you do thrust in time and she just wants it. She's ready. And, that's the opposite of the way a lot of people have sex. They think about sex as intercourse and that's the main event and they probably don't kiss much. Yeah, I always call it they grab a boob and stick it in. That's what the basic having sex is like for most people where I'm like, “Here's how to make love and have crazy amounts of orgasms together.”
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It definitely seems to work because she loves it and I absolutely enjoy it. And, there was that teasing component where it builds in just like pleasure as you go through this thrust in time. And, I think sometimes people might think it seems fabricated, be counting certain strokes or depth of strokes as you go, but yeah, you do it in your head and eventually, you don't even think about it.
So, a few things that you talked about. First, you mentioned the refractory period, relevant to that period of time between a man's sexual arousal patterns. Is there or are there ways to speed up that refractory period? Because I'm sure a lot of guys, once they orgasm once unless they're fully multi-orgasmic male would be curious about ways to be able to get at it again as soon as possible. You know of any methods for that?
Susan: What I would say is really learning how to become a multi-orgasmic man is the very best thing you can do. When you are able to run full body orgasmic energy through your body instead of out as an ejaculation — So, ejaculation and orgasm are two totally separate systems in the body. And, as a matter of fact, a lot of women say to me, “Wow, when I ejaculate, it doesn't actually feel like an orgasm, it feels more a release of some kind but it doesn't feel I have an orgasm like I would have if my clitoris was getting stroked or something.” And, I'm like, “Right, exactly. They're just separate systems in the bottom, you're ejaculating and that feels incredible, but you can also have as many orgasms as you want, so can XY men.”
The way that you learn how to become a multi-orgasmic man is essentially the first thing you need to know is your point of no return. You need to know when you're getting so close to your point of no return that you have to back off. You learn to begin to throttle your turn-on, your desire, that sexual energy, that urge to ejaculate. Okay, I'm coming up to a seven. I'm getting close to an eight, I'm going to back down. And, you do that through a combination of breathing, PC muscle squeezing, and pelvic relaxation.
One of the techniques that we have the multi-orgasmic lover for men thing that you mentioned at the very beginning of the show, your listeners can get something at FreedomAudios.com that explains more about what I'm explaining here. There's a few audios where I go into it with Jim Benson, my partner with this program on male multiple orgasm and we explain how the squeeze works, how the breathing works, how the pelvic relaxation works, how to practice during masturbation so you can do it while you're having intercourse without worrying about it. And, once you begin to be able to have full body orgasms, you're orgasming like a woman does, she's having all these orgasms, orgasms, orgasms, orgasms, and he's starting to do that too and it's like your tuning forks where you know how you take two tuning fork. You've got one, you bang it against something hard and you hold it up against the other tuning fork and it gets that tuning fork resonating with the original one. That's what being lovers is like.
When a guy goes from being super tight and up in his head and strategizing about how he's going to make her have orgasms and when he's not connected to his heart, and when he's not connected to her, and when he's not present with her and he's just worried about everything and he's got anxiety, it's going to make him come too fast. And, she's not going to feel like he's close to her. But, when he can just breathe and rock and rock her and get in this really nice rhythm with her and look her in the eyes and connect his heart to hers and he's totally confident that he can just keep on going, then she can relax and she can start to meet him and they can just start coming together as much as they want. And then, he can have what we call ejaculatory choice. He can come when he wants to or when she wants him to, or when she begs him to and not a second before that. And, all that is is a learned skill. And, I have taken guys who can't last 30 seconds. They literally can barely get their penis in their partner's vagina and they can go for hours.
Susan: And, it's literally just training your body how to do it because most men have a very furtive and fast masturbatory practice, which teaches them to come too fast. And, when they do, they get freaked out, and then they have anxiety, and that adds to it, and this me breath, this squeeze, breathe, and thrust that work together like a perfect golf swing, there you're making it right onto the green every time and getting some nice, what are they called, birdies, eagles? What's the hole in one? I don't even know.
Ben: A hole in one I believe is just a hole in one. But, a birdie I believe is one below par, and I'm going to embarrassingly admit to my lack of proper golf vernacular. It's been a while since I've played.
So, that's interesting. And, of course, I do know that alcohol can really inhibit the refractory period or specifically lengthen the refractory period. That's one thing to think about. But, I've also from a nutritional standpoint heard that glycogen replenishment, similar to what a marathoner might use during a race can assist with that literally like having carbohydrates, having some fruit like blueberries or, I suppose in the case of the bedroom perhaps some chocolate covered strawberries or something like that. There's something about the taste of something sweet or the actual carbohydrates or sugar themselves that seem to speed up the refractory period. You come across that at all?
Susan: There are a lot of different things you can do like that that can help some guys. But, what I really try to do and why I took the conversation more toward becoming full-body male multiple orgasm proficient is that full-body male orgasms feel as good as ejaculations. So, why would you worry about trying to improve a refractory period and do all of that effort when you could spend that time trying to learn how to have unlimited stamina and ejaculatory choice and heart-connected full-body orgasms? I feel focusing on diminishing your refractory period is it's a simple little thing when there's this giant wonderful like “Okay, so instead of chocolate and vanilla ice cream, now we've got Neapolitan.” Big whoop. There's 31 million flavors out there and some of them have sparkle rainbows on them, let's go for that. That's what male multiple orgasm is. So, I don't spend any time worrying about refractory, I spent all my time letting guys know they could have unlimited incredible orgasms. And, who cares, when you ejaculate, you ejaculate, then it's over. Why try and screw around at the low level when you could be a high-level lover?
Ben: Yeah. Now, one other question related I supposed to refractory periods, and I guess this is more related to women, it seems that in most cases once a woman has orgasmed once, it becomes easier and easier and more frequent as intercourse progresses if it does progress after that point. Is there something to that or is that just a myth?
Susan: No, that's true. There's two divergent scenarios that happen in the general sexual population. One is that some women, they have an orgasm, and then they're so too messed or engorged that they're overly sensitive and they don't want anymore. And, that's because they're driving themselves too hard, they're overstimulating their clitoral system and blowing it up, blowing the circuits. And, when women say, “Yeah, I'm afraid to use a vibrator because then I won't be able to have regular orgasms without a vibrator,” I'm like, “Well, they're all regular orgasms. Number one and number two, 2 just turn the vibrator down a little bit and take your time and just build up.” Because the more you build up and you start to have nice ease, you want sex to be that easy rolling pleasure. You wanted to just keep expanding and building. You don't want it to be this, “I'm going to vibrate my clit so hard. I have an orgasm and then I'm too sensitive to go any further.” Opposite of that is what you want to do is do what I call orgasmic cross-training. My girlfriend, Sherry Winston, taught me the phrase, I thought it was brilliant.
And, there's actually five types of vibrators that I think every woman should have in her pleasure chest. And, that way, she should roll between them and give herself a lot of different types of stimulation during self-pleasuring and during pleasure with her partner that allow her to have orgasms from a lot of different stimulation. And then, she can go on to begin to develop an expanded orgasm practice, learn how to ejaculate and do orgasms from intercourse, analgasms. She can start to play with breast and nipplegasms. She can have oralgasms from both kissing as well as from going down on male body partner or a dildo. So, we have throatgasms. We have 20 kinds of orgasms. And, I love the orgasmic cross-training concept that encourages a woman to move from that single pathway to orgasm to many paths to orgasm, including the touchless orgasm which is erotic hypnosis. I mean, there's so many kinds you can have.
So, when a woman begins to come and she gets on that plane, she gets up on that orgasmic, she's getting fully engorged, she's turned on, she's feeling good about herself, then she can really start coming well and having lots and lots of types of orgasms.
Ben: Yeah, yeah.
Now, one thing you also mentioned was the nipple stimulation and I've seen a lot of folks recommend these nipple clamps that, I guess, provide that continual stimulation of the nipples. I think it was Jamie Wheal who was originally telling me about this and I think you can even get the special kind that you hook up a little electrodes too and all sorts of fancy stuff. But, what do you think about those nipple clamps? And, this is going to lead into a question just for fair warning for you, I know a lot of people are intimidated about a lot of these toys and apparati in general. And so, I want to hear your take on those, but then also I would love to hear about some of the sex toys that you think are just a big win for nearly every couple you've worked with.
Susan: Yeah, I would love to do that. It's funny because I do this thing called Susie's sexy show and tell, and it's a crowd pleaser. I literally stand up in front of an audience with a giant table full of toys and devices. I've got my Whopper pump and my vFit gold and I've got all those things and then I've got all the sex toys that I think are the best. And, I have drawers and drawers and drawers of all these toys. Everybody sends me everything. And, there's just a few where I'm like, these are the ones that go in everybody's pleasure chest, and here's why. So, I'll get to that.
So, just like activating your vulva, right now as an example, now I've had seven O shots.
Ben: You mean the platelet-rich plasma injections into the clitoris?
Susan: Yes, the platelet-rich plasma. Over the last six years, I've had seven O shots. And, I remember that the first one that I had, I'm going to get right to nipple clamps with this, but the first one I had, I was like, “I don't know about this PRP. I don't think it did anything.” The second one, I'm like, “Oh, no, no, I just was really desiccated.” We atrophy as we age and we need to reconstitute that tissue. And, as I was reconstituting it, I'm like, “Oh my god,” by the third one, I thought, “Oh, I did not know how much sensation I'd lost. I'm having intensity of orgasms at 60 like I was at 30 now. But, I'm coming so much better in so many more different ways because I've learned all these skills now.” So, your vulva gets activated with touch and sensation.
And, I'm going to talk about those five types of cross-training vibrators for women or sex toys for women because I think that's important, and everybody will be really mad if we don't. All the women will be like, “Ben, you didn't make her say goodbye.” So, this gets to nipple clamps because right now, you could take a finger with a little bit of, I like organic avocado oil or sweet almond oil as lube, you could take a finger and you could stroke from the hood of my clitoris right above the actual clitoral shaft and tip, right down along the little edge of the inner labia. On both sides, you could take two fingers and start at the top and trace the little frilly edge of the inner labia all the way down to the bottom near the perineum where it comes together. That's called the fourchette. That's a French word for fork.
And, when you trace that, I could come the whole time and have the most incredible orgasm from the lightest of touch, the lightest of touch. Anywhere you touch my vulva can make me have an orgasm. I do not need direct clitoral stimulation, though I love it and it's a part of my repertoire. I'm telling you that because I learned how to do it all, and the same thing for your nipples. Nipple clamps are really good when you don't feel a lot of sensation and you need to awaken the neural pathways from your nipples to your brain. That then begin to awaken everted erections of your clitoris. They start to get your yoni plumped up because they're stimulating those nipples.
And so, they're really good for that, but there are some women who that's way too much stimulation. Many women can just come from a fingertip barely brushing the tip of the nipple just back and forth. The lightest little brush can keep them coming and coming and coming. And, I always encourage people to continue to develop their sensitivity because it expands how long they can come, and the ways that they can come from the different kinds of sensation. And so, I think if there's a good goal, it's move from needing a ton of sensation to needing very little sensation because the expanded orgasm practice that I mentioned earlier, that practice is a clitoral stroking technique. I've had this practice going on 18 years now with Tim, my husband. A couple of times a week I lie down and he strokes me with one finger. There's lead ups to it and there's three opening strokes. There's a closing stroke, but the main stroke of this practice is a simple pad of the finger on the actual clitoris up under the hood about 2 o'clock is where the most sensitive areas for most women, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, not the skin, but the meat of the clitoral glands right underneath the skin. Stroke, stroke, stroke, pause, stroke, stroke, stroke. And, that's called peaking, and that puts you into, that gets you up into that plane that orgasmic plane, it gets you up riding on the surface of the orgasmic water and you go way out into orgasmic outer space together.
It's a conjoined orgasmic trance state. It's a theta brain wave conjoined state between lovers. He's taking me. I'm riding his ride. We're in the ride together. He's feeling me. He's feeling me come. I'm feeling him deliver the sensation. I'm surrendered to it and I'm coming and coming and coming from the lightest of strokes. And so, these are practices that couples can do that are really incredible practices.
If you want to know more about that, that's it, expand her orgasm tonight. There's three books that are free that explain what is expanded orgasm, how it works, what is peaking and how to touch for rapture.
Susan: If you've ever heard of orgasmic meditation, it's like orgasmic meditation that's another person's version of it. It's also called deliberate orgasm, extended massive orgasm. It's a lineage of practitioners and we teach it for couples to learn, not singles, but just couples who want to have this practice together.
Ben: Okay, got it.
Alright. So, back over to the toys. Any specific ones that you think are just amazing for anyone to own because I think it's intimidating? There's obviously hundreds out there.
Susan: There's so much stuff, and most of it is super junkie, made with palates and plasticizers that are not good for you that are going to disrupt your endocrine system. So, there are only a few companies that are using super premium silicones. As a matter of fact, one of the companies that I like the best is they make their own silicone in their own German factory. They're called Fun Factory. And so, they use German motors, they're like the Porsche and they're really good. And, they have a product called the NOS, N-O-S, NOS. I don't know what that even means, but it's a penis ring, a cock ring. It goes around the shaft at the base of the penis and it's got these two little vibrating ears that tickle her clitoris.
And, what's nice about it is that one of the things I really encourage women to do is to learn how to be on top, which is called cowgirl style, where it's missionary but woman's on top, and to learn how to use his penis for your pleasure. And, there's basically, this is another thing I recently wrote which was “Come With Me: The 20 kinds of orgasms” where I teach you how to have all 20 kinds of them. And, one of them is this series of sex techniques for intercourse for cowgirl, and I give you a whole bunch. I have a blog, it's at PersonalLifeMedia.com. That's where all this is. It's all free.
She has two things. She has a slide up and down and she has a grind all the way down on his penis, pushing her clitoral area against the base of his penis. And, when you put that NOS down at the bottom of the shaft and she gets on top, what you want to do as the masculine is you want to help her, you want to hold her hips, you want to help her with rhythm, you want to hold her hands, you want to kiss her, you want to play with her breasts, you want to allow her to find the strokes that feel good inside her where she's just using you for her pleasure. And, sometimes she's sliding up and down and sometimes she's down at the base kind of grinding against that vibrator and giving her orgasms that way.
The nervous system, the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system love toggling back and forth. They need that. That's why thrust in time works well too because it's short shallow with long deep, it toggles the nervous system. It's that notion that we teach you an expanded orgasm about peaking where you don't want to deliver constant sensation, you want to deliver, deliver, deliver, pause, deliver, deliver, deliver, deliver, pause. And, within the pause, her body reaches for what's missing and it turns her on even more, and then she has even more intense orgasms.
So, there's a whole bunch of intercourse techniques for her and for him on those “Come With Me” blog posts. And, learning how to be a really good rider is so much fun for a couple. Because when you're just lying there and you see your woman on top of you and she's having orgasm after orgasm and all you're doing is just providing the incredible hard penis and she's loving it and you're just getting to watch her and she's got all this confidence in herself and she's coming so well, she feels so great about herself. She feels so sexy and turned on. And, that's the kind of woman you want to be with. That woman is radiating, just this fantastic confident sexy turned-on energy that imbues her whole life.
Susan: Yeah, N-O-S.
Ben: Okay. Alright, cool.
Susan: Yeah, Nos, Nos. It's like an O with a line across like O, NOS.
Ben: Okay, got it.
Now, what about these devices that are sometimes used, for example, for men for things like prostate massage during sex that are inserted rectally or similarly for women? Have you had any experience with those type of things?
Susan: You bet you. Remember I was telling you about my sex life bucket list and couples fill it out and then they come up with their top things that they want to experience. Well, I have to say that when I ask people all the time like, “So, what were your top ones?” Women always say to me, most commonly women are saying to me I want to have an orgasm from intercourse and I'm like, “One, you can think bigger mama. Trust me, you can just come the whole time. But, that's okay, we'll start with one.”
And then, the second thing they want is female ejaculation. For men, I am so happy to report, Ben, that men are starting to explore their backdoor. And, what they want to do is they want to become multi-orgasmic men and they want to have P-spot orgasms. And, P-spot is the prostate. And so, more and more and more men are integrating and incorporating prostate massagers into either their sex play or into their self-care.
So, I have a lot of couples who follow me where she's using her vFit and he's pumping his penis and then she's using various toys for masturbation while he's got his prostate massager in. And, they're just doing this, they're doing mutual masturbation with sex toys, they're doing mutual self-care, sexual biohacking together. Because when you do those things together, it's still fun sexy times and you're taking care of yourself. And so, I love prostate toys. I think the vibrating ones are really nice. And, there's even remote control ones where you can as the woman, you can have him help you insert it and get it in there, and then you've got this little switch that you're using to turn it up as you go and you can give him a blended orgasm, which is prostate massage using a vibrator in his rectum and you can control it while you're stroking his cock or even stroking and orally pleasuring him at the same time while you're using that prostate massager. The P-spot orgasm is an explosively fantastic orgasm for a man.
Ben: Now, for that, I would imagine also you'd want to be careful with the phthalates and the plastics and the type of things that the rectal tissue might be exposed to. Or would that be a similar process of going through a company like Fun Factory or like something that for those devices?
Ben: And, does that one actually vibrates?
Ben: Okay. Alright, got it.
So, what do you think, and I'm sure a few couples are wondering this as they listen or people might be wondering this as they listen, what do you say to those who are like, “Oh, man, it's too much complexity, we're doing just fine with these five positions that we really enjoy.” And, I asked that actually because my wife and I have had these discussions before. We've done podcasts like this or I've done podcasts like this and then we've locked ourselves away in a hotel room for weekend and just try out all the new things, and the new toys and the things that I've ordered.
And then, we've also simply had a great deal of satisfaction with, I suppose what you might call the same old same old. Part of me wonders, well, is that because we're simply staying in our comfort zone too often? Or, is it the fact that it's okay for it to just be simple sometimes? Is what I'm asking makes sense? It's kind of like this constant nudging at the back of my mind like should we be doing more because this is really, really amazing right now and it's working? And then, it seems often there's a lot of complexity when you're filling the backpack full of things to take to the hotel room and find the babysitter and be gone for the weekend, et cetera. Or, is it a little bit of both?
Susan: One of the reasons I made the sex life bucket list was to get really clear with each partner what it is you want most to experience. Because you could try everything. But, there are some things that you get maybe your top four to top 10, and then you're like, “Okay, I really want to ejaculate. I really want to experience the bliss of my divine nectar, releasing my divine nectar, and I've never done that.” Okay, alright, let's get a G-spot toy. I've got a whole guide on that at gspotjoy.com.
Susan: You know, like things that, or I really want to have a blended prostate massage. Let's get that Plex and let's try that. But, for me personally, Ben, I write about all these things but here's my favorite sex, my favorite kind of a love-making date. It always starts with pain cream.
Ben: Pain cream?
Susan: Pain cream.
Susan: My idea of really good foreplay is when my lover rubs whatever. Because we started this out by me saying I was in the alley doing ball slams and all kinds of stuff, I work out every day, and there's always like I've always got a little pull or I pulled a little thing or I got a little whatever.
And so, you can't really surrender into your pleasure if anything is bothering you. I got a little neck thing or I stub my toe or whatever it is. And so, I love for my lover to rub me with a little bit of THC pain cream to get the kinks out. And then, I love to lie in his arms and make out with him. And then, I love to just stroke our bodies from head to toe. I love to look at him. I love to do whatever I feel like I have this thing I call my dope flow sex date, which is a lot of couples feel like, well, first we kiss and then I play with her boobs, and then I go down on her and then we have penetrative sex and then we're done.
And, instead of thinking about it that way, you could be like, “Okay, well, I need you inside me right away, it's been three days and I'm dying for it. And, let's just do a few minutes of that. And then, I want to go down on you, and oh definitely let's do some 69 today.” And, whatever it is what I like is when two lovers become one. Well, when you can't tell where my orgasm start and his end where we've just completely surrendered to our pleasure and we're just in the zone, and it's beautiful and it's slow, and it's languorous, and it's sensual, and it's loving, and it's capricious.
Whatever I feel like doing, I'm like, “Hey, could we do this now?” “Oh, I've got an idea, let's try that.” “Oh, let's do this position.” “Oh, I'm in the mood for that.” And, you just flow from thing to thing to thing to thing. There's no toys needed, there's no whatever. And then, maybe at the end after he's had his ejaculation and I still have a few more orgasms in me, he'll be like, “Well, would you to lie back against me and I'll play with your boobs while you use your vibrator and have a few more orgasms?” And, sometimes I'm like, “Yeah, I've got a few more in there. I'll get off the big magic wand and go for it.” Or, other times I'm like, “No, babe, I'm good, let me just snuggle in your arms.” And, it doesn't require anything other than just us in the moment. And then, there's other times where you're like, “Let's work that bucket list and learn a new skill and try a new thing because that's fun too.”
And so, it's having the comfort with your partner to have the breadth of that experience where you're just allowing your body to tell you what it wants in the moment and offering that up as the idea versus having this prescriptive, “We're going to try a new thing.” The prescriptive we're going to try new things are fun because sometimes it doesn't go well and you laugh about it, and it's a silly thing and you just gave it a try. One of the very first things you mentioned was “Come Full Circle.” That's one of the little eBooks I give away.
Susan: It's the 360-degree sex position. You do that one time, and you're done. That's just the thing you checked off your list you, but it's really fun for people who are athletic, which is why I sent it to you and Jessa was because it's super cute when you're in really good shape and you can twirl around each other and stay connected, you're like, “Okay, wait. Okay, my leg goes here. Now, okay, I'm going to flip you up. Oh, my god, we did it.” And then, you have like, “We did that thing.” Those are fun too. So, it's having the spectrum of experiences together that keeps your sex life getting better and better and better on the upward pleasure spiral as I like to call it.
Ben: Wow. I mean, obviously just a handful of these books I think people would be set for many years with a whole bunch of options. I mean, I have to admit, we're still working through the stuff you sent me six months ago. But, even though we're running up against time, your website is obviously a huge source of knowledge for a lot of this stuff. And, I will, by the way, if folks go to BenGreenfieldLife.com/SexyTime, I'll link to a lot of this stuff as well over there if you want to see some of the books that Jessa and I have used and also listen to previous podcasts I've done on a lot of this stuff. I realize it can be a not safe for work or not safe for the taking the children to soccer practice in the minivan type of audio, but nonetheless, this stuff is it's fun, it's important, it helps you bond together as a couple. And, we're all adults here and we know that sex is a big, big part of a thriving and healthy and long-lasting relationship.
And so, Susan, once again, I want to thank you for coming on the show, for showing all this with us, and I think we only scratched the surface of everything I wanted to talk to you about, but we at least hopefully gave folks some ideas to spice up their sex life just a little bit more.
Susan: Thank you so much for having me, Ben. I love you so much, and I really appreciate your inquisitive nature and how much you bring the somatic into sexuality because that's what I love to do too. So, we're very good in matching that aspect of sexuality and celebrating it. And, thank you for your lifelong learning. I really appreciate that. And, I love you guys very much.
Ben: Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Susan. And, for all you listening in, again, it's BenGreenfieldLife.com/SexyTime for the shownotes where you can also leave your comments, your questions and your feedback for me or for Susan or even your own tips to add. And, until next time, I'm Ben Greenfield along with Susan Bratton signing out from BenGreenfieldLife.com. Have an amazing week.
More than ever these days, people like you and me need a fresh entertaining, well-informed, and often outside-the-box approach to discovering the health, and happiness, and hope that we all crave. So, I hope I've been able to do that for you on this episode today. And, if you liked it or if you love what I'm up to, then please leave me a review on your preferred podcast listening channel wherever that might be and just find the Ben Greenfield Life episode. Say something nice. Thanks so much. It means a lot.
Sex is a subject I can't (and don't want to) ignore…
…because sexual health is just as important for your physical, mental, and spiritual fitness as lifting weights, meditating, or praying.
This is why I devoted an extensive chapter to hormones, libido, and sex in general in my book Boundless. I have also podcasted many times before about sex, including episodes with Jamie Wheal (“Biohacking Sex, Tantric Breathwork, Plant Medicines For Orgasmic Enhancement & Much More.“), Kim Anami (“A Vaginal Weightlifting Coach Reveals Her Secrets On How To Train Your Body For Soul-Stretching, Bed-Shaking, Neighbour-Complaining Sex”), and Dr. Richard Gaines (“The Non-Pill, Natural Alternative To Viagra That Instantly Fixes Erectile Dysfunction, Boosts Drive In Men & Women, Enhances Orgasm & Much More.“).
Then there was the wildly popular podcast with Susan Bratton, “Biohacking Sex: The Best Tips, Tricks, Supplements & Food To Optimize Libido, Desire & Arousal.“, an episode that included sixteen bedroom and sex biohacking tips. Since it's been awhile since I've tackled the somewhat controversial, but nonetheless thrilling, topic of optimizing your sex life, I thought it was time to get Susan back on the show.
Susan Bratton is a champion and advocate for all who desire passionate relationships. Married to her husband Tim since 1993, Susan is an author, award-winning speaker, and serial entrepreneur who teaches passionate lovemaking techniques to her fans around the world. Susan’s fresh approach and original ideas have helped millions of people of all ages, and across the gender spectrum, transform having sex into making love.
As the CEO and co-founder (with her husband) of Personal Life Media and The 20, Susan has authored 35 books and programs and launched a line of libido support supplements for the sexual biohacker community. A deep thinker with a sweeping foundation of knowledge in human sexuality, Susan has been featured in The New York Times and on CNBC and the TODAY show as well as appearing on ABC, CBS, The CW, Fox, and NBC.
Susan has sold over 25,000 copies of her book Relationship Magic as well as achieving International #1 Amazon best-seller for Sexual Soulmates: The 6 Essentials for Connected Sex. Other books include The Passion Patch, 30 Romance Tricks That Work Like Magic, The Sexual Soulmate Pact, and The Soulmate Embrace.
She has also created and published numerous online courses including her wildly popular Revive Her Drive and Steamy Sex Ed® DVD Collection, as well as programs such as Seduction Trilogy, Expand Her Orgasm Tonight, The Multi-Orgasmic Lover for Men, Female Liquid Orgasm, and Keep Her Coming.
Millions of couples and singles have been touched by Susan's TV appearances and Better Lover YouTube channel. Through her Insider’s Club newsletter at PersonalLifeMedia.com, Susan gives away, free of charge, countless MP3 audios, videos, articles, and e-books to nearly a half million fans each month. I also appeared in Susan's wildly popular “Sexual Vitality Summit” to discuss natural testosterone enhancement methods for men.
Chair Emeritus of the ad:tech conference, and both the CMO and a member of the Board of Directors for an Anthony Robbins tech start-up, Susan has served on numerous boards throughout her career. In 2009, she was honored as a “Silicon Valley Woman of Influence” by The Business Journal and as a “Top 10 Internet Pioneer” by AdAge Magazine. In 2010, Susan was bestowed the Lifetime Industry Achievement award by DMG World Media.
Susan Bratton’s straight-talking, fearless perspectives are rooted in her personal experience of watching her sex life wither while she and her husband pursued dynamic careers. When their relationship hit a crisis point, the couple made a fierce commitment to do whatever it took to keep their family together and revive the passion in their marriage. Today, she and her husband have the kind of dream relationship most people long-since stopped believing is even possible—until they discover Susan’s teachings.
During our discussion, you'll discover:
- Come Full Circle
- Multi-Orgasmic Lover for Men
- Thrust In Time
- The 5 Steamy Sex Ed Techniques
- The 7 Stimulating Sex Positions
- Dominate Him Tonight
- The Sexual Soulmate Pact
- The Soulmate Embrace
-A typical day for Susan Bratton…08:48
- Susan works out to regulate hormones and libido, then writes sexy things
- Exercise ball
- Rope work
- The physical body is the other side of the same coin of your libido
- Soulmate Embrace
- Sexual Soulmate Pact
-Libido, desire, and arousal, and the difference between male and female arousal patterns…11:43
- 3 concentric interlocking circles:
- Libido – body-based energy
- Desire – the brain is the biggest sex organ
- Arousal – how we get turned on (blood flow)
- Libido and hormones and how they affect your desire for sex
- Half of the time, it's not the hormones that's the problem, it's the gut microbiome
- The difference between male and female arousal patterns
- Hemodynamics and how it affects arousal in men
- Women need more time to get aroused; more time to get blood to the genitals
- 3 erectile tissues in the vulva
- Thrust In Time
- The 5 Steamy Sex Ed Techniques
-Why does it take a man less time to get aroused than a woman?…19:53
- Female biology and why it takes longer for women to get aroused
- Watermelon and beetroot juice to increase blood flow and lubrication and more intense orgasms
- It takes around 20 minutes for a woman to get aroused
-Natural solutions/supplements for women to get aroused faster…24:18
- Citrullus Vulgaris from watermelon, which is best for people over 40
- Podcast with Judson Brandeis:
- Support T
- The Pump Guide
-Do women experience a stronger orgasm if they use testosterone topical creams like Androgel or testosterone cream?…30:55
- Susan can’t live without her testosterone
- Why women should be on contraceptives and the positive benefits from semen
- Learning new skills connects you more to your partner
- “The more you have, the better you get, the better you get, the more you want. And it just fuels your creativity and your passion for life.”
-Pumps and how using them on your clitoris can improve blood flow/arousal/orgasm…33:37
- Men's Health magazine: “New Year, New Dick” (January Edition)
- Ben's article:
- vFit Gold
- Red light for photobiomodulation
- Vibration helps with Kegel toning for pelvic musculature
- Warmth helps with collagenating the vaginal mucosal tissue
- Red light stimulates new tissue growth
- Removes vaginal odors
- Remodels the glycogen in the vagina
- Women's probiotic insert
- 5 vaginal microbiome lead bacteria
- Microbiome is inherited from the mother
-Genital steaming for both men and women…40:15
–Thrust in Time and spicing things up in the bedroom…41:39
- Thrust In Time
- Come With Me: Susan Bratton's 20 Kinds Of Orgasms
- Women are more advanced in understanding the types than men
- Sex Life Master Plan – sex life bucket list
- Thrust In Time is one of those sex techniques that helps you have an orgasm from intercourse
- Thrust In Time is an ancient Daoist practice that Susan brought up to the 21st century
- Semen retention
- Stamina technique
- Counting technique (count by 10s) and stroke technique (shallow or short strokes) to give a woman multiple orgasms
- Fantastic foreplays to get her going
-How to speed up the refractory period for men…54:39
- Learn to focus on becoming a multi-orgasmic man vs. ejaculating once
- Ejaculation and orgasm are 2 separate systems
- Identify the “point of no return”
- Multi-Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia
- Ejaculatory Freedom Audio Collection with Jim Benson – audio for males on multiple orgasms
- A man should aim to have an “ejaculatory choice”; a learned skill
-Do carbohydrates speed up the refractory period?…59:16
- Why worry about trying to improve a refractory period and do all of that effort when you could spend that time trying to learn how to have unlimited stamina
-How a woman can have multiple orgasms…1:01:05
- Two divergent scenarios:
- Some women who orgasm and don't want to continue
- Some women who are afraid to use a vibrator
- Orgasmic cross-training – encourages a woman to move from a “single pathway to orgasm” to “many paths to orgasm”
- Numerous orgasms can be achieved when a woman is on the orgasmic plane
- Expanded Orgasm Practice
-Sex toys that are a big win for every every couple and the Sex Life Master Plan…1:04:02
- Podcast with Jamie Wheal:
- Susie's sexy show and tell
- PRP (platelet rich plasma) injections in the clitoris
- Tissues atrophy as we age; PRP reconstitutes the tissues
- The vulva gets activated with clitoral stroking
- Nipple clamps awaken the neural pathways from the nipples to the brain
- The Expanded Orgasm Stroke Techniques To Give Her 30 Minute Orgasms
- Orgasmic Meditation
-Susan Bratton's recommended sex toys…1:11:02
- Fun Factory product called the NŌS Ring
- Come With Me: Susan Bratton's 20 Kinds Of Orgasms
- Sex Life Master Plan
- Hot Octopuss Plex for p-spot orgasms
-Should you use sex toys?…1:18:03
- Sex Life Master Plan – be clear with what each partner wants to experience
- G Spot Toy
- Susan's lovemaking day always starts with THC pain cream
- Come Full Circle
-And much more…
- Keep up on Ben's LIVE appearances by following bengreenfieldlife.com/calendar
Resources from this episode:
- Personal Life Media
- The 20
- YouTube Better Lover channel
- Sexual Soulmates: The 6 Essentials for Connected Sex
- The Sexual Soulmate Pact
- The Soulmate Embrace
- Better Lover
- Come Full Circle
- Multi-Orgasmic Lover for Men
- Thrust In Time
- Sex Life Master Plan
- The Pump Guide
- G-Spot Joy
- Ejaculotory Freedom
- Vaginal Restoration Book
- Expanded Orgasm Practice
- Soulmate Secret Sauce
- The 5 Steamy Sex Ed Techniques
- The 7 Stimulating Sex Positions
- Dominate Him Tonight
- Biohacking Sex: The Best Tips, Tricks, Supplements & Food To Optimize Libido, Desire & Arousal.
– Podcasts And Articles:
- Recapture the Rapture: Biohacking Sex, Tantric Breathwork, Plant Medicines For Orgasmic Enhancement & Much More!
- The Non-Pill, Natural Alternative To Viagra That Instantly Fixes Erectile Dysfunction, Boosts Drive In Men & Women, Enhances Orgasm & Much More.
- The Best Sexual Biohacks, Can Vasectomies Decrease Testosterone, Foods & Supplements For Boosting Nitric Oxide & Much More.
- A Vaginal Weightlifting Coach Reveals Her Secrets On How To Train Your Body For Soul-Stretching, Bed-Shaking, Neighbour-Complaining Sex
- How To Get All The Effects Of A Stem Cell Dick Injection…Without Actually Getting A Stem Cell Dick Injection
– Other Resources:
- Support T
- Watermelon Juice
- Beetroot Juice
- Men's Health Magazine article: “New Year, New Dick”
- Women's probiotic insert
- 5 Vaginal microbiome lead bacteria
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