Q&A 463: The Ben & Jessa Greenfield AMA: Top Relationship & Marriage Tips, How Jessa Deals With Ben’s Crazy Biohacks, Dealing With An Imperfect Day & Much More!

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Body, Financial Wellness, Health & Wellness, Mind-Spirit, People, Podcast, Podcast-new, Productivity, Relationships, Spiritual Growth & Disciplines, Time, Wealth Management

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Welcome to a very special podcast episode during which I take my wife Jessa Greenfield on a walk (during a recent trip to beautiful Napa Valley), and we reply to a host of listener questions on our daily habits, relationship and marriage tips, my crazy biohacks, whether I'm a narcissist, and much more!

So who is Jessa?

Jessa Greenfield is an expert on bringing wellness into the household. Influenced in part by her childhood on her family’s farm, Jessa’s teachings focus on how to live a healthy, natural life in our modern era. As my wife of 21 years and mother of our twin, currently 15 year old boys, Jessa spends much of her time ministering to the local community, volunteering, playing tennis and hiking, and creating the perfect environment for her family to thrive. She is an invaluable resource when it comes to food preparation, parenting, body detoxification, designing a healthy home and much more.

To learn more about the way Jessa and I have designed our household and education environment, check out BoundlessParenting.com.

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-Ben and Jessa…05:37

  • They are currently attending Couples Collective, a retreat in Napa Valley
    • Taught a workshop on legacy, education, and spiritual practices

Resources Mentioned:

Listener Q&A:

Want to submit your question for Ben to answer on the podcast? Submit here or send a direct message on Instagram, X, or Facebook. To make it easy to spot, please preface your question with “Q&A Podcast Question: (ask a question)” and keep it concise.

Q: EAA Insights asks: “Jessa, what’s the most narcissistic thing Ben has done?” 07:42

  • Jessa hates the question
  • Ben and Jessa’s definitions of narcissism
  • Jessa doesn’t think Ben is a narcissist
  • Although Jessa says that Ben struggled with tendencies of that in the past
  • People often comment on Ben’s shirtless photos and accuse him of being a narcissist
    • From early childhood, Ben liked to be free of clothes
    • Automatically goes duck lips or blue steel when someone takes a picture of him
    • He sometimes flexes when he displays a workout
  • Jessa likes being a background person
  • Ben always liked being on stage
  • Jessa doesn’t like Ben’s cheeky photos on Instagram

Q: Chris Brands asks: “How do you overcome major differences and still leave the connection within?” 16:22

  • Ben and Jessa have known each other for 39 years
  • They have been married for almost 21 years
  • They are emotionally, spiritually, and physically connected
  • Jessa never saw her parents argue
    • She and her siblings are mostly avoiders
  • Conflict makes her so uncomfortable
    • She is pretty silent during conflict
    • Fearful of her words
  • That drives Ben nuts because he likes resolving conflicts
  • Jessa is also a processor and needs time to understand her feelings
  • It’s not about being right but making things right
  • The Greenfield family constitution
    • One of the values is unconditional love and radical transparency
  • 2 keys for conflict resolution
    • A feeling that you can be radically transparent and not judged harshly
    • There is no sin, shortcoming, or argument so great that can’t be covered by love
  • 1 Corinthians 13
  • If you ask how are you, be prepared to hear the answer you don’t like
  • Some people are raised that they must always earn love, constantly seeking approval
    • Attachment personality
  • Others want to be left alone to figure things out and don’t like too many questions
    • Avoidant personality
  • Opposites usually attract – yin and yang
  • Don’t be afraid of the moments when they come up

Q: Mr. Anonymous asks: “How do you handle arguments?  Does your wife ever drive you to the point of driving you nuts?  If so how do you handle it?”  25:33

  • Ben is not an angry guy
  • Men tend to, based on testosterone alone, err towards anger during a conflict
  • Women tend to be very good at verbal abuse, bitterness, biting comments, and sarcasm
  • Ben’s ultimate solution for rage is to go for a walk and pray
    • The strategy of praying while moving is the key to emotional management during conflict resolution
  • By getting angry, you lose credibility
  • Jessa goes quiet in an argument
    • Scared of saying hurtful things that would need a lot of repairing later
    • Would go on a hike or clean the house
    • Needs time to understand her own emotions
  • Most of the time, both are wrong and partially right
  • The benefits of being religious and a Christian
    • The convenience of knowing you can speak to a higher power
    • Knowing that there's a greater purpose for your life
    • A game changer

Q: Brisk asks: “How have you guys built your spiritual life together? What emotional regulation techniques do you employ at the moment to avoid escalation or conflict?” 35:00

  • Whenever in conflict, they end up holding hands and praying together
    • Ask for God's forgiveness and love to cover the situation
  • Pray every single night
  • How can you hate your brother whom you've seen? And love God whom you have not seen? (1 John 4:20)
  • If you adopt this habit of systematically praying every single night
    • The benefits are miraculous
  • The key here is you're praying to a loving father who's got open arms for you
    • When you're praying, you're often examining yourself and your motives
  • Jessa started the spiritual practice first
    • Seeing the benefits, introduced it to the family
  • Ben’s priorities
    • God
    • Wife
    • Children
    • Health
    • Business
  • Jessa is dyslexic – an audio and visual learner. The only book she reads is the Bible
  • Ben reads a lot
  • New Morning Mercies: A Daily Gospel Devotional by Paul David Tripp

Q: Trek Zoji asks: “Have Ben’s biohacking extremes ever been a point of contention for the relationship? Has Jessa ever tried to talk Ben out of an experiment? Any successful persuasion?” 43:08

  • Jessa’s problem is too many gadgets in the house
    • Biohacking equipment, tools, and gears
  • Did Jessa ever talk Ben out of something?
    • She was very much against the COVID-19 vaccine
  • The background story
    • Ben had a speaking opportunity that required him to take the vaccine
    • Dr. Matt Cook convinced him that it’s possible to take a vaccine and avoid damage by different protocols
  • Jessa was against it for various reasons
    • Moral issue – only wealthy people can afford the biohacking protocols to avoid damage
    • The vaccination was pushed on people – “You get this or else…” 

Q: Erin asks: “With all of the biohacks you have tried over the years, how do you two decide which ones will stick for yourselves? Especially for Jessa, I imagine all the different supplements, machines, etc., coming to the house for Ben to try can get overwhelming!” 48:25

  • Jessa is a very simple person and an artist by nature
  • She doesn’t like the rigidity of the biohacking world
    • A lot of biohackers have too strict routines
  • Jessa loves sauna, yoga, detoxification, and the infrared light
  • Supplements – minerals, more transdermal than oral
  • Busting into the world of hormones
  • Simply Progesterone
  • Jessa doesn’t follow a specific diet
  • Her mom’s menopause was awful and affected everybody
    • Jessa is thinking about how to avoid that for herself

Q: Yanay asks: “Do you sleep in the same bed? How does that affect your sleep quality? I’ve struggled with that before.” 53:58

Q: Andre Robles asks: “I’ve looked at your schedules and can't seem to manage half what you do. How do you do it all?” 56:37

  • Jessa is not very organized
  • Ben shared his own organizational system with Jessa
    • Jessa does her own thing
  • Ben is extremely organized, and his schedule is pretty rigorous
    • Everything has to be perfectly scheduled
  • Jessa is a more fluid person
    • She needs 2 hours of physical activity every day
    • An hour of some kind of creative activity
    • Tries to regularly take her supplements
  • Ben hacks his environment
    • He has a system for everything
    • A final hack is knowing his purpose or why

Q: OtherBS asks: “How do you divide up economic roles in the family business(es)?” 1:01:10

Upcoming Events:

  • Elements of Vitality: December 8th, 2023

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Special Announcements…

Click here for the full written transcript of this podcast episode.

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Ask Ben a Podcast Question

6 thoughts on “Q&A 463: The Ben & Jessa Greenfield AMA: Top Relationship & Marriage Tips, How Jessa Deals With Ben’s Crazy Biohacks, Dealing With An Imperfect Day & Much More!

  1. Anthony Guastella says:

    I love Dr. Cook, but I feel like he downed the blue pill with a glass of koolaid when it comes to Covid. .

  2. Bob says:

    Advice from a millionaire couple who have unconventional jobs and live relatively off the grid doesn’t sound applicable to most people

  3. Mike says:

    Great. To “peek behind the kimono” as you say. Feels more actionable when you get off the hard-charging horse and saddle up the slow and trusty nag of real-worked applicability. Keep ‘em comin. Maybe a solo-side where Jess’s answers questions without husbandly prompts?😉

  4. T says:

    Hey thanks so much for this podcast!! Ben and I share the same star sign and surprisingly much of the same DNA too!

    Could you please share Jessa’s birthdate/star sign?
    My first impression is Pisces/Cancer.

      1. T says:

        Cancerian! Knew it!! You both managed to make what I’m told is the most extreme zodiac pairing work!
        So happy for you! What an inspiration! Thank you!

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