Guys Who Are Crappy At Making Friends, Why Spanking Can Suck, The Pain & Lessons Of Divorce, Deer Hunting Camps With Boys & Much More With Seth Spears (Boundless Parenting Book Series).

Affiliate Disclosure

Seth Spears impact of spanking
Biohacking, Brain, Fitness, Nutrition, Parenting, Podcast

Seth Spears is an adventure-loving entrepreneur, business connector, product designer, podcaster, marketing strategist, and angel investor who loves the great outdoors, world travel, live music, sports, healthy food, strong drinks, intimate conversation, deep connections, and conscious self-improvement.

Also, he's a buddy of mine.

The co-founder and CEO of Wellnesse (use code BEN to save 10%), a B Corp Certified brand of oral, hair, and skincare products, Seth Spears is also the legacy co-founder of WellnessMama.com, the largest natural living blog, and podcast for women and moms.

Seth’s passion project and side hustle is Rewild Gear, an outdoor equipment company he started with his three brothers whose mission is to encourage men to spend more time in the great outdoors through the design and creation of top-quality knives, fire starters, and cookware while promoting conservation, sustainable product use, and ethical business practices. Rewild's Gasper knife is my favorite for hunting (and we talk more about it in this episode).

Seth is featured in a special chapter of my Boundless Parenting book, for which this podcast interview is part of a series leading up to the official book launch in early 2023. Outside work, Seth is a father of six, an avid outdoorsman, hunter, skier, lover of water activities, live music, Cincinnati Reds baseball, Cincinnati Bengals football, and Kentucky basketball, a perpetual optimizer, and a consummate business connector.

During our discussion, you'll discover:

-What’s the deal with the Gasper knife?…06:46

  • Rewild Gear was conceptualized a decade ago around a campfire, comparing hunting gear (10% discount auto-applied at checkout)
  • Spent well over a year designing the knife
  • The result is probably one of the very best general all-around camping and hunting knives on the market
  • The Gasper 4 knife (10% discount auto-applied at checkout)
  • Uses super steel called S35 VN, marries the best steel qualities of hardness, corrosive resistance, how easy it is to sharpen, and how long it'll retain an etch
  • Usually bones out an elk without sharpening
  • Other products like the grill and utensils are their own design
  • The products are greatly differentiated from what is available in the market
  • The designs are minimalistic and great for outdoors

-Do you involve your kids in the Rewild Gear business?…10:48

  • The kids help with the photography and images, and testing of the gear

-Books, systems, models, and resources that you find indispensable as a parent?…11:38

  • Currently finalizing divorce
  • The past couple of years have been particularly challenging; that identity around marriage, as a couple and a family unit
  • Accepting responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship, did a deep dive with therapies and modalities like:
  • Dr. John Demartini
  • Root things from childhood;  hurt people hurt people
  • The Body Keeps the Score by Sean Pratt
  • Seth realized there was a lot about himself that he needed to work on

-What is the John Demartini Method?…15:43

  • Took a 2-day intensive course
  • The Dr. John Demartini Method
    • Take something that causes you to stress, or that triggers you, something that you see as a negative, then flip it on its head and look at the positive; collapse down the negative
    • Look at something you consider positive, and you look at the flip side of that, kind of the shadow side, what is the negative, and you collapse that as well
  • You don't have this big high or low surrounding anything, so it levels you out a lot
  • We tend to associate things with one extreme or another
  • Will Etheridge  
    • Delved into Seth's own psyche
    • Into his upbringing and childhood, how he was raised

-The idea of taking radical responsibility and not blame-shifting…18:42

  • This goes back to the nature versus nurture debate and what has the biggest influence
  • Seth had a victim mentality over the years
  • Doing the deep work and digging into your own psyche for the why 
  • Being self-aware is important
  • You have to observe it first, realize it, and then make a change because of it, which is hard
  • You see these things, you don't like them, and yet you feel controlled by them at times
  • There is no perfect solution for people just because we're all so different; what works for you may not work for me 
  • Do not let that victim mentality – take over and just take ownership of it
  • Seth's formula over the years has been to do the right things long enough, consistently

-Why guys get stuck in their “identity” and find it difficult to release it all…22:36

  • Some people self-identify as a “personality test”
  • Personality test results are just predispositions based on the nature versus nurture aspect
  • Takes a lot of work to overcome those things that we have done for so long that but we can all change
  • By becoming self-aware and realizing those things, we can change them over time
  • Fear of intimacy with other men
    • How we were raised
    • How our parents handled conflict
    • How our siblings did
    • How we were taught 
  • Conflict avoidance disorder
  • Some people would say, “pray about it, that's gonna fix it,” but Seth thinks it's just an excuse
  • Prayer is not an action, it's a passive thing
  • But if we want to change, we have to take action

-Would the Demartini Method fit in with this type of work?…29:16

  • The method was helpful for Seth in several aspects of his relationships

-How did the kids deal with their divorce?…29:36

  • One of the things that broke up the relationship was communication or lack thereof
  • Different communication styles and other issues led to resentment over the years
  • Children need one-on-one time just to get them to feel comfortable

-Ben on how the books Radical Honesty and How to Be Free from Bitterness carved out his relationship with his family…36:49

  • Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton
  • How to Be Free from Bitterness by Jim Wilson
    • What happens when you don't talk things out and how it bitterness festers in the soul
    • In Chinese traditional medicine, bitterness and unsettled anger, and an inability to communicate your feelings, especially with someone you love, can result in things that just build up inside the body
    • Couples who don't intentionally carve out the time to lay all the cards out on the table regularly and share everything ends up fighting an uphill battle
    • Greenfield family mission statement is a big part of radical honesty and transparency
  • Going on quarterly retreats
  • Easy to look in hindsight; Seth wishes this or that would have been different at the end of the day, everything happens for a reason, and we are where we are supposed to be just because there is a lesson to be learned
  • The experience has transformed Seth into a different person
  • The experience is a process, and you never fully heal, you're never fully done
  • All that is just a part of the journey that is life
GreenfieldFamily Poster
crest

-Seth’s annual deer camp and rifle season with his sons in Kentucky…40:53

  • In 2014, he bought a 55-acre property in Kentucky where he grew up, built a small cabin with no electricity and running water just to be off the grid and to disconnect
  • He and his brothers turned it into a deer camp for the opening of rifle season
  • Brought their sons to get together, go hunting, eat meat, and tell stories around the fire
  • This became a tradition every November, the opening of deer season – fathers and sons 
  • Looks forward to this the whole year round – anticipation and expectation of opening day
  • Hunter and gatherer where elders or fathers of the tribe would take their sons out and teach them the ways;  teach them how to procure food for their family and their tribe
  • Twin Eagles Wilderness School
  • Podcast with Tim Corcoran:

-How do you connect with your daughters?…48:04

  • Picked up surfing in Florida
  • Amazing conversation while waiting for the waves
  • Fathers need to have shared activities with their kids
  • Seth's favorite times growing up were when there were shared activities with his father 
  • The younger kids are happy where they are, content with playing with their friends and siblings
  • As long as they know that they're safe, they're secure, and I'm around and just letting it be that, and that if they want something, they'll come and ask, and sometimes I'll offer, and then if they don't accept, that's fine 

-How Seth evolved in terms of his disciplinary style and how it worked for him and his kids…52:59

  • Seth was raised in a very disciplined, authoritarian house, where, if you disobey, you are getting spanked, or if you talk back, you are getting soap in your mouth
  • At first, Seth adopted that same mentality but now regrets that because every child is different
  • He does not think that spanking is ever good anymore
  • Love and acceptance of children
  • Constantly growing and evolving, and just trying to sit with them where they are
  • Rules are okay if they are understood
  • For Ben, some elements of physical discomfort can send a pretty strong message
  • Parenting With Love And Logic by Foster Cline
  • For Seth, corporal punishment is lazy parenting
  • We should try to raise children to be amazing adults

What one message for parents would you put on a billboard?…1:01:43

  • Listen to your child more than you speak, and ask your child what they need from you
  • Seth's parents never asked him what he needed; they told him what he thought he needed, raised him based on their own biases, by religion, and by how they were raised, but they never asked him if that was right
  • One size fits all black and white approach
  • Some of his success and motivation come from a place of hurt and a place of not enough
  • Children are great teachers; they have so much wisdom; they are born with a set of fresh eyes and soul that has not been corrupted by the world
  • Listen to children
  • Try to understand where they are, what makes them tick, what they enjoy
  • Help foster curiosity and a love of learning, creativity, and how to be critical thinkers in all areas of life

-And much more…

Upcoming Events:

 

32 Questions For Boundless Parenting

The following questions were posed to Seth Spears, and the rest of the wise parents interviewed for my upcoming book, Boundless Parenting.

  1. How many children do you have, how old are they, what is their profession or passion, and why, in particular, are you proud of them?
  2. Are there any elements of your parenting approach that you would consider to be particularly unique?
  3. What books, systems, models, or resources do you rely heavily upon or consider to be indispensable in your own parenting?
  4. What traditions, habits, routines, or rituals are most important, memorable, or formative for your family?
  5. What rites of passage or significant moments of maturation to adolescence or adulthood have your children experienced, if any?
  6. Who do you look up to as parenting mentors?
  7. What have you taught your children about raising their own children?
  8. Do you have any philosophies or strategies for educating your children outside of traditional school, such as homeschooling, unschooling, self-directed education, or other alternatives, creative, or “outside-the-box” forms of education?
  9. What has been your proudest moment as a parent, and why?
  10. What do you wish you had known before first becoming a parent?
  11. Have you ever experienced imposter syndrome as a parent? If so, how have you coped with that?
  12. How have you achieved a balance between mentoring and passing on wisdom without “living vicariously” through your children?
  13. Have you ever faced any big parenting decisions that kept you awake at night worrying or that you feared you would mess up?
  14. What do you regret, if anything, from your experience as a parent?
  15. What is the biggest mistake you have made as a parent?
  16. What, if anything, from your parenting experience would you go back and change or improve?
  17. If you had multiple children, what did you think was right at the time with one child that you then went back and changed with the next child or future children?
  18. Have you ever sensed or feared that your children would grow up too different or weird as a result of any “outside-the-box” parenting approaches you used? If so, how did you deal with that?
  19. Have you ever differed from your spouse on parenting principles, techniques, or approaches? If so, how did you manage that?
  20. Warning: This question is long but important: As a parent, have you ever felt conflicted about wanting to share a book, teaching, resource, or method with your children as a means of impacting their future success, but feared that it might “overload” them, especially at their age? If so, how did you balance bestowing this valuable knowledge to your child without causing them to worry too much about adult concerns? How did you decide when to just “let a kid be a kid” versus nudging them towards responsible adulthood and the attainment of valuable wisdom?
  21. How have you balanced being a present, engaged parent while preserving your own identity, taking time for your own self-care, tending to your career, or pursuing other interests that did not include your children?
  22. How have you engaged in one-on-one time or created space for dedicated time with your child, especially if you have more than one child?
  23. If your children have grown up and moved out of your house, what strategies have you found most helpful for maintaining and building your relationship with them?
  24. If your children have grown up and moved out of your house, do you often miss them, fear for them, or think of them? If so, how have you coped with any loneliness or desire for their presence?
  25. Do you have non-negotiable rules for your children?
  26. How have you disciplined your children, if at all?
  27. How have you helped your child to establish responsibly, moderated, or conscientious consumption or use of books, media, entertainment, screen time, and social media? This is not my favorite question because the focus on “limiting screen time” seems a bit blown out of proportion these days and I think causes kids to get obsessed with the “forbidden fruit” of screen time, but it seems to be on the minds of many parents today, so I’d be remiss not to include it.
  28. Have you emphasized or encouraged any health, fitness, or healthy eating principles with your children? If so, what has seemed to work well?
  29. If your child or children could inscribe anything on your gravestone, what would you hope that they would write? What would you most want them to remember about you?
  30. What do you most want to be remembered for as a parent?
  31. What do you think your child or children would say is their fondest memory of being raised by you?
  32. What message for parents would you put on a billboard?

Click here for the full written transcript of this podcast episode.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

– Seth Spears:

– Podcasts And Articles:

– Other Resources:

Episode sponsors:

ButcherBox: ButcherBox is offering our listeners an incredible deal—one FREE 10-14 lb turkey when you sign up at butcherbox.com/ben.

Clearlight Sauna: If you want to sweat buckets in the privacy of your own home, go to HealwithHeat.com and use code: BEN for a discount and free shipping – the free shipping alone is a huge savings because these saunas are big, heavy, and well-made!

Organifi Gold Chocolate: Organifi Gold Chocolate is a superfood hot chocolate healthy enough to drink every day. It was formulated to deliver the same amazing benefits as Gold, but with a delicious chocolate flavor to help curb those holiday cravings. Go to organifi.com/Ben for 20% off your order.

Lucy Nicotine Gum: If you are looking for a cleaner and tastier alternative to other nicotine products, Lucy is for you. To save 20% on any order, just use discount code BEN20.

Kion Aminos: Aminos are building blocks for muscle recovery, reduced cravings, better cognition, immunity, and more. Go to getkion.com/bengreenfield to receive 20% off monthly deliveries and 10% on one-time purchases.

Ben Greenfield Coaching: Personally vetted and trained by Ben Greenfield, these coaches will personalize your diet and lifestyle, and get you looking and feeling your best. 

Do you have questions, thoughts, or feedback for Seth Spears or me? Leave your comments below, and one of us will reply!

One thought on “Guys Who Are Crappy At Making Friends, Why Spanking Can Suck, The Pain & Lessons Of Divorce, Deer Hunting Camps With Boys & Much More With Seth Spears (Boundless Parenting Book Series).

  1. Lee Fogle says:

    Ben, I’ve been following your podcasts since 2010. as a supporter I got one of your original black T-shirt’s with “My Trainer Told Me To Eat More Fat”. Also you Ironman training program and phone coaching helped me race Ironman Wales and Ironman Florida. Here’s a question: I’ve been recovering from pulmonary fibrosis which was brought on by Covid in 2020. A year ago I couldn’t walk my dogs without assistance and thought that I may only have a year to live. I began a strenuous exercise program in 2022 and while I still have to use supplemental oxygen I am returning to a reasonable degree of strength and stamina. Here’s my question: during exercise sometimes my oxygen saturation drops into the mid 80s while I’m doing about 20 minutes of really hard cardio. I try to train in a 85 to 90% of maximum heart rate zone to strengthen my heart and it’s been working so far. Do you know of any studies or reports that show the normal drop in oxygen saturation for a person who’s in reasonably good shape athletically? I see that NFL players on the sidelines put on oxygen when they come to the side lines which tells me they need to improve their saturation. Well my workouts are very hard, I’ve always done hard workouts and I don’t think I’m doing any harm to my self when my oxygen saturation dropped to the mid 80s and then after the exercise is finished it returns to 96 or 98%. Please let me know or appoint me to any studies about oxygen saturation and reasonable levels of Desaturation during workouts.
    Thanks,
    Lee Fogle

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.